Natural Blues

Tomorrow I am to walk into an office I don't want to, for pre-op talks about how I shall be cut up. I marked my tumors for your ease of seeing which and where needs it. I am left handed, so this picture is crucial in understanding the amount of work and money that is going into my pain and suffering. That's one side.

This is the top side. My middle knuckle and pointer finger have some conspiracy.

With a small modification, my hand could be a pig, or anteater.


Right hand. The fun skipped to the other side quite recently.... for the sake of wondering if I'd just scream and run into the street hoping to be run over. My pointer finger on right hand is beyond comprehension.

The reason this matters... is that some may argue I have artistic talent. If I don't, fuck off, it's something I really used to enjoy and something I used to take pride in. Very simple drawings. These are all mine, I made each and every one from scatch so please don't take... just ask me. Artists put more of themselves into their work than people normally acknowlegde.

Below are the digital drawings I made. Mostly for the online gameing I did a while back. Again from scratch... these belong to me.







I suppose my point today is that I need these hands. I am indifferent to all this growing shit, it's just "another one". I didn't have time to take the best pictures of my work, suffice to say whether or not they are good, I don't need to prove it, I need the ability to do it.

I've been dropping things for months because my hands just won't fucking hold shit. I appear to be a god damned moron, and I gulp down the explanation.

I am extremely tired of everything wrong with me, one thing to the next. So tomorrow I will find out how many stitches and how long I wont be able to drive. I feel like a frog in biology class. Anyway... I'm not so stupid, I do have talents, ones I hope very much to keep.

-DM

ps - My ex was issued a warrant for second offense of stalking with menace. He made one week before he managed to be threatening and get a protective order against him.... anyone wanna defend this one? Told you he was fucking nuts, not sad, not looking for hope, fucking NUTS.