Inebriation Nation

The Mister and I were gifted with a free stay at a spa suite in the Atlantis Resort and Casino in Reno for our birthin' day gift. Awesome. Being that I haven't left the house for much other than the occassional interview, more awesome. As awesome as awesome could get short of blinking lights above our door screaming AWESOME with angels and harps and all the trimmings.

Before we left.... this guilted us at the door like a warden:



I went straight to task on investigating all the wares, facilities....checking on pillow fluffiness, all that sort of busy work one does when they are pretty much scoping out the joint for what is glued down and what isn't. 19th floor. The spa is right in front of the window and I truly got queasy even approaching it, lame, but I get nauseous even watching heights on tv. /shrug. I can't help it, I get vertigo over heights. Am what I am.



Before going for a quick soak Mr. Morgan declared there was not enough liquor, in firm Irish declaration with a fisted hand above his head "We have no suds!" Off we went. Our odd purchase was champagne, whiskey, and a bottle of Mr. Bubble - of which we argued about getting normal, or "for senstive skin". It was clear we were up to no good.

Back in suite we had our first lovely soak, after dicovering these:

Pamper be thy name! It seems Mr. Bubble does not dissapoint. Remember this is a 6'5 tal man, that is a lot of bubble to cover all that up, and no he's not slouching.... it was THAT many of a bubble festival.

Afterwards is a bit of a hm. We imbibed, talked about Jesus and why we only have two feet instead of four. Would 12 toes help balance or be a hinderance to the clumsy? Then we discovered the bathroom had a tele. With a remote of course, who wants to dangle right? We did not employ it, but just knowing it was there became an instant cotton candy sort of comfort. No one ever can anticipate an extended visit to that room. Very nice touch. My photo is shotty and makes it look ghetto, it's very much so not. Ooooo and coffee. Drink where you shit! Bonus!

Then shit just went into another dimention that we were never supposed to fall upon. Rather, we were supposed to be upstanding law abiding and well behaved guests. This did not happen. It TRIED to happen is all I really know and remember. Suffice, we got shit faced drunk because Mr. Bubble said it would be ok to do so, and we trusted him. What we didn't consider is that Mr. Bubble himself looks like he is already shit faced drunk and encouraging others to join his antics. Look at the bottle..... he is done. What better thing to do when completely out of hand than go to the buffet. Tons of people shuffling about, food galore... perfect place to be inebriated. The buffet is not a liquored persons' friend. Obstacles all over, lots of movement, stairs, and every other hazard imaginable just begging to make you look like the idiot that you in fact are.

I am not sure, but I think a small food fight broke out at our table... something about garbonzo beans being reasonable on my tray. What I do know is that come this morning there were no less than 30 fortune cookies in the suite, some in the hot tub and oddly... a butter packet.

The task of "well shit!" damage control set into play and I started fixing up the room. Mr. Morgan was found staring into the hot tub motionless because he did not know how to drain it. I joined him for a while because, it was funny. We felt really bad to leave the maid with our mess, even though we cleaned up pretty well, so left her the "sorry" money in the designated envelope. I did yes, figure out (hard) how to drain the spa. The sink, no dice.

On leaving and putting my wares into my backpack - with of course all the room freebies I found that I had seemingly gone on a spree of absolute theivery. Everything but the fucking wallpaper was in that bag! I had remotes, soapdishes, toilet paper, a pillow.... name it and I had last night apparently planned to take it all with me as though I was moving. I even (shame) had the Bible. I truly have no idea what encouraged me to go on a larceny rampage, or how it all fit into that one backpack. I'll be honest, I put it all back. Most of it. I kept one prize, a light bulb. Cmon, I did the right thing by not being a raging klepto, but something about that bulb. ...

I figured I must have had an idea at the time, how could I leave it behind? What if the idea came back and I had no bulb over my head?

Proud!

Ashamed.... and yet, not.


Home unscathed, good time, up a light bulb, very scared of Tuaca, and back in my robe. Yeah, I look like a drowned rat in above, but I was in the spa late night and while I was drunkenly busy taking shit that wasn't mine, I neglected to take my OWN shit like say... my hairbrush.

Anyone willing to have me over for a dinner party? Better glue all your junk down.

- DM