Foody Fools

I've had to get serious with these Starkist people. It is nearly impossible to ignore me, and extremely out of the question to even try if I have my mind set on something. Ask anyone, even those who don't know me give me the "it's a gnat!" stare. I simply stink of being a pain in the ass. (click on Swinfan on the right if you missed the original).

Dear Starkist,

Below is a letter I wrote to your company on August 15, 2009. I have received no response so am sending it again. The proof of bone and upc was included in the original letter, but I was keen enough to have photographed it before it’s mailing. I hope to get a response soon, as I am quite persistent and have a good deal of unused postage.

Sincerely,

-DM

I have two other birds to fry, one being a gummy bear company who is lying to me about replacing my fucked up bears, and the other is below with explanation. The bears were not mishapen, that was not my beef, they were hard as rocks and claim to come from Turkey. Well no fucking wonder they were stale. All the same, their package promised me freshness and I am a big fan of getting what I presume is the deal. I wrote, and twice they've written back giving one bullshit after another - the last being that the heat would have them melt and they don't want that to happen lest I be back to bother them again. Well it's the haunting time of year, so guess what? Boo, I'm baaaaack.

This:

pile of exorcism caught in a bowl I can't explain and am almost willing to give it a pass just to have it away and down the sink. That's chicken noodle soup. Really? When? It's fucking GREEN! Reagan projectile vomited and someone swept it into a bowl and canned it just for me. There were no chickens in that soup. Nor a single noodle. Cheated again! Vile. I know I'm picky but what the fuck, bones? stale and tooth breaking candies? green soup????? I don't think I'm being too far fetched here on my expectations. I likely won't write the green soup folks because it was scary enough to make me think they'll hex me, but I'm certainly not buying it again. /cough CAMBELL'S. Yes, I snitch.

- DM