All my friends are low riders

There is a resident living in my car and not paying rent. I've passed it off as coincidence or a hallucination for a while, but today I am sure of it, mother fucker is living up in my car with intention to stay.

To prove this intent I got the charlotte's web offering of "dis bitch is mine" written in the filthy disgusting web that was constructed in the wee 7.5 hours a day I work, right across the entire part of the viewing window that includes the spedometer and other car gauges I don't much pay attention to. My tenant had been busy.

Because this work of webbing was so extensive I instantly presumed something like this was chilling under a seat collecting lots of poison in it's sack with a smile.

I havent seen the nasty little free ride having bastard, but in actuality it's more likely something like this:

Which would also be total bullshit. No one likes the metro. If you drive one or ride in one you'd know why. I pass other metro drivers and trust me, they ain't smilin' as they go. I am possibly the sole fan of the metro and it's because that car makes you work to get anywhere, you don't forget how fast you are going or the steering wheel will vibrate out of your hands, there are no automatic anythings, get off your phone, and the fucker has two functions .. on and off.

Since underwear isn't a guaranteed portion to my ensemble each day, a loose spider in the car instantly turned my vagina into a venus fly trap, minus the fly, but I'm pretty sure the sound of it snapping closed and shuddering was audible.

While Mr. Morgan has no problem with them, I take massive issue and lose all ability to be rational when I find one. I go into head to toe goose bumps and begin that choking sound pointing and gargling on my own spit that if in english it would say "pleeeeeease get it before it escapes or I can never ever inhabit that area again."

I've got a can of I HATE SPIDERS SPRAY and may set it off tomorrow, ya know, for the just in case. My luck I'll probably end up kiling my stupid self, but at least I won't have a god damned hitchiker in the car being gross and leggy.

-DM

ps - The Carnival is God and may the juggalos find us!