All fucked up... can you dig it?
I'm home. They root canaled me! That is some lengthy, jaw tiring shit. I spent five whole minutes brushing my tongue for this visit and I told everyone in that office.
"I brushed my tongue. For you. Just for you. I bet you see some creepy tongues don't cha?"
I like my dentist a lot so that helps, and he shot enough numbing juice into my face to paralize an elphant. Of course this is BEFORE he tells me people can overdose on it. Uh.... have we not established that there are things you never ever ever tell DM?
I walked in, totally bold and ready to board Team Toothwork, then got to smelling that dental office smell. The one that smacks of airbourne shaven teeth. I was called in from outside where I was ferosiously smoking the most nervous cigarette of my life and plopped down in the chair... my hand instinctively upset that it was more than an inch from my camera and we got to business.
Dentist's always do this ... they send in the greeter, who is like the Vanna White of all things teeth then turn on you and bring in a totally inept hygenist to drown and kill you. My greeter was beyond lovely, expressed how much she loved her job and promised not to mock my teeth, after of course I asked if she'd planned on doing it. I am well aware how fucked they are, I don't need yet another stranger to confirm it. She was adament that I was a perfect butterfly. I beamed then remembered I was about to have my mouth sawed open.
So while left alone... I got ansy, looky and went for the camera hoping not to look like a spy for some TV plot special on dentistry.
"Well.... um... yeah and I am very hungry."
"Root canal is best."
"I bet you have a lot of hungry patients don't you."
He laughed. "Actually yes."
"I thought as much."
Naturally, even though we discussed it couldn't be cheap, the bill for (not joking) $2,632 came AFTER the work. I am worried they will repossess my mouth. I figured they meant for the whole mouth, nope just one fucking tooth. Just One. Again.... one.
One.
The new bullshit hygenist drowned me twice, to the point I had to wave my hand and spit water across the room like a fucking fountain, saying I needed to breathe and that a water versus air competition in my throat wasn't good. He agreed and slapped her. Ok he didn't but he gave the secret gesture for - no, don't kill her, at least not today. I totally saw it.
And you know what else? That little drape they put on you to make you think it's all about being hygenically safe? Bullshit. It is a slab for which the dentist slops his tools on your rack. Nod, you know I'm right. We are simply a mobile tool caddy.
So I go back 4 more times at which time my car becomes lessor value than my tooth.
"I brushed my tongue. For you. Just for you. I bet you see some creepy tongues don't cha?"
I like my dentist a lot so that helps, and he shot enough numbing juice into my face to paralize an elphant. Of course this is BEFORE he tells me people can overdose on it. Uh.... have we not established that there are things you never ever ever tell DM?
I walked in, totally bold and ready to board Team Toothwork, then got to smelling that dental office smell. The one that smacks of airbourne shaven teeth. I was called in from outside where I was ferosiously smoking the most nervous cigarette of my life and plopped down in the chair... my hand instinctively upset that it was more than an inch from my camera and we got to business.
Dentist's always do this ... they send in the greeter, who is like the Vanna White of all things teeth then turn on you and bring in a totally inept hygenist to drown and kill you. My greeter was beyond lovely, expressed how much she loved her job and promised not to mock my teeth, after of course I asked if she'd planned on doing it. I am well aware how fucked they are, I don't need yet another stranger to confirm it. She was adament that I was a perfect butterfly. I beamed then remembered I was about to have my mouth sawed open.
So while left alone... I got ansy, looky and went for the camera hoping not to look like a spy for some TV plot special on dentistry.
Look at that shit. It's a cave of I hate you tools. Miniature carpertenter's drill bits.
That is the fucked tooth. Why it resembles a foot, I cannot say. I did ask and was told that many people think their xray look like a toe or a foot. Insteresting.
Doctor came in and we discussed how fucked the tooth in question was, and the options.
"Do you want to keep it?""Well.... um... yeah and I am very hungry."
"Root canal is best."
"I bet you have a lot of hungry patients don't you."
He laughed. "Actually yes."
"I thought as much."
Naturally, even though we discussed it couldn't be cheap, the bill for (not joking) $2,632 came AFTER the work. I am worried they will repossess my mouth. I figured they meant for the whole mouth, nope just one fucking tooth. Just One. Again.... one.
One.
The new bullshit hygenist drowned me twice, to the point I had to wave my hand and spit water across the room like a fucking fountain, saying I needed to breathe and that a water versus air competition in my throat wasn't good. He agreed and slapped her. Ok he didn't but he gave the secret gesture for - no, don't kill her, at least not today. I totally saw it.
And you know what else? That little drape they put on you to make you think it's all about being hygenically safe? Bullshit. It is a slab for which the dentist slops his tools on your rack. Nod, you know I'm right. We are simply a mobile tool caddy.
So I go back 4 more times at which time my car becomes lessor value than my tooth.
posted by DMorgan's Zoo at
1:47 PM
3 Comments:
Ahhh, the much misunderstood root canal. People usually recoil in horror at hearing the very words. In truth, my root canal (age 13 due to taking a baseball in the mouth) was the most pleasant thing I could imagine. Mostly because of the relief of no more pain, but even the feeling of infected goo seeping out of odd places felt oddly good. You'll be all better in no time. Good news!
you will be fine. i had to have bone grafting in my upper jaw on both sides. NOW THAT FRIGGIN SUCKED. things learnt from dental visits...dont wear a nice shirt cause that little apron catches nothing....ask for meds for later...they know we are scared shitless, and i think they get off on it. u shoulda seen my periodontists face when i asked him if he had ever lost a patient...or if i would be carrying the spirit of the cadaver that they had harvested the bone from for my graftings. hopefully it was not from a Jeff. lol. so anyway the worst is hopefully behind u. keep smilin
I had some dental work done in April. Broken tooth, root canal, new crown, replaced filling of tooth next to it. The root canal was the least painful. Almost $6,000.00 later (no insurance), and the tooth with the crown still bugs me occasionally. I hope you get to feeling better very soon!
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