Project MRE
Before I begin this chapter - why is it that every man I've ever been with gets scared and says "be careful" when I go to shave my girly bits? Do I look like I'm heading towards the vagina with a hatchet? I've only shaved two full legs, two armpit and the region in between since I was 15, I think I'm qualified. It still never fails to make me wonder why it is so concernable to men who have never, and will never meet. I guess I look like a vagina suicide or something. Or they are simply concerned about their investment. Moving on.
Meals Ready to Eat, an in depth look at boredom, idiocy, or both.
I planned to do this for a while, but the Kitty Pig was depleted on Halloween. She’s recovered by the grace of my snatchy ways to fund projects that I should be paid to do as a simple experiment on how far a human will go to entertain itself.
I lined up the Kitty Pig’s givings in rows for a count on how many MRE’s it could afford. Honestly, the Kitty Pig could afford a full week, but 3 days on freeze dried food is really enough to prove a point, so three days it is. Why I chose to do this is curiosity, which oddly is trumping my food aversions. I very well may starve. I make no promises to eat these fucking things in entirety, but give my utmost vow that I shall try. Plus cutting the quantity to 3 allowed me to purchase a new hat.
In researching these meals, I have found that I am seriously more disturbed than previously thought in regards to food. That’s saying a lot. 1,300 calories per meal. PER? For real? I get pissy over 500 calories in one sitting (have to save most of my daily allotment for drinking after all, let’s not bullshit), but 1,300 each? Seems steep, unless I guess you are in the army or camping and actually moving your body parts for energy, neither of which are in my daily routine. I have three days of eating nothing but freeze-dried fun, and have journalized as I’ve gone.
I remind dear readers that it’s easy for me not to eat at all, but when told you can’t….. well that will throw a wrench into your shit fast.
Day One.
Fine. Ate a bite or two and couldn’t get the stench of that rice out of my nostrils short of cutting them off. The rice went into the mouth but came back out into the napkin promptly.
Day Two.
Hunger has set in. Mr. Morgan has done the weekly shopping and is gleefully chewing chips I covet, smacking his lips as he enjoys them and is all too eager to take a photo of me mourning my rations.
Day Three.
I’ve had it. Not only is this shit disgusting, it’s disgustingly expensive and I have become offended on every level. I am shaky, starving and prepared to cheat.
Day Three, part two.
I have cheated. And it was terrific. One meal to go and I get to spend a week retraining my bowels, and stomach, both of which are highly annoyed at the project and asking a lot of “whys” to which I have no answer.
Three Day MRE Footage Below. Right, if wondering about the bandage on my face, it was a vagina shave gone wrong, it acrobatted into the air and hit me in the face. Ok, I just had a massive (way too old for this) zit that I picked bloody.
-DM
Meals Ready to Eat, an in depth look at boredom, idiocy, or both.
I planned to do this for a while, but the Kitty Pig was depleted on Halloween. She’s recovered by the grace of my snatchy ways to fund projects that I should be paid to do as a simple experiment on how far a human will go to entertain itself.
I lined up the Kitty Pig’s givings in rows for a count on how many MRE’s it could afford. Honestly, the Kitty Pig could afford a full week, but 3 days on freeze dried food is really enough to prove a point, so three days it is. Why I chose to do this is curiosity, which oddly is trumping my food aversions. I very well may starve. I make no promises to eat these fucking things in entirety, but give my utmost vow that I shall try. Plus cutting the quantity to 3 allowed me to purchase a new hat.
In researching these meals, I have found that I am seriously more disturbed than previously thought in regards to food. That’s saying a lot. 1,300 calories per meal. PER? For real? I get pissy over 500 calories in one sitting (have to save most of my daily allotment for drinking after all, let’s not bullshit), but 1,300 each? Seems steep, unless I guess you are in the army or camping and actually moving your body parts for energy, neither of which are in my daily routine. I have three days of eating nothing but freeze-dried fun, and have journalized as I’ve gone.
I remind dear readers that it’s easy for me not to eat at all, but when told you can’t….. well that will throw a wrench into your shit fast.
Day One.
Fine. Ate a bite or two and couldn’t get the stench of that rice out of my nostrils short of cutting them off. The rice went into the mouth but came back out into the napkin promptly.
Day Two.
Hunger has set in. Mr. Morgan has done the weekly shopping and is gleefully chewing chips I covet, smacking his lips as he enjoys them and is all too eager to take a photo of me mourning my rations.
Day Three.
I’ve had it. Not only is this shit disgusting, it’s disgustingly expensive and I have become offended on every level. I am shaky, starving and prepared to cheat.
Day Three, part two.
I have cheated. And it was terrific. One meal to go and I get to spend a week retraining my bowels, and stomach, both of which are highly annoyed at the project and asking a lot of “whys” to which I have no answer.
Three Day MRE Footage Below. Right, if wondering about the bandage on my face, it was a vagina shave gone wrong, it acrobatted into the air and hit me in the face. Ok, I just had a massive (way too old for this) zit that I picked bloody.
-DM
posted by DMorgan's Zoo at
7:30 PM
7 Comments:
That was just foul. Gluten Free?
Nasty. Best thing about them is watching the bubbles when they cook. and wtf do you need MRE jam for? That's what I could never figure out. Pass the Smuckers.
I bought a case of these (the "deluxe" version) a few years ago to take to the desert. Not all were completely disgusting, but I do still have most of the case left. Let me know if you want some variety and I'll send them your way!
I've learned my lesson thank you, and presume the ones left were of the least desired stack. I may take you up on the request someday... for now I still don't have the smell of that rice and the heater chemical stench out of my head. -DM
Dont give them to her MissNev!!! The only reason she could possibly want them is for Shitty Santa, and I just cant take being subject to MRE's.
Muahaha..... worried are ya?
Wow, those are NASTY! Where did you get them anyways? I don't think I've heard of them before...
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