Who done it?

Came home a few minutes early for the landlord representative, who I like a great deal, to winterize our swamp cooler. He’s the only one who may come in my house without finding me carrying the frying pan and phone looking itchy to 911 it at any moment. In the past I have shook that phone and twirled the pot in their sight in case someone felt jumpy.

He was early, and we walk in to find the dogs have had themselves a par-tay in the garbage. To the extent that we looked like squatters. I tried to blame the dogs and he was all “riiiiiight.” During his visit I continued to accuse the dogs and threaten to beat them and may have even offered him a whack at them if he’d had a bad day. Declined. When it’s your kid I suppose it’s different but haven’t you ever been around someone else’s kid and wanted to gleefully smack it into acceptable behavior? I await the offer.

This could be funny in retrospect, but still deciding. On vacation the dogs were no better. Halloween, as things got rolling, Simon had a full ass of hair shit, for fun, and Delilah was limping and wobbling like a stroke victim. We were already well into the booze and making a drive wasn’t ideal. She wibbled and wobbled and limped it up, but not yelping. I’m a selfish and cowardly fuck so walked away telling Mr. Morgan to deal with it, that I couldn’t look and didn’t she KNOW it was MY DAY????? We can’t fix you NOW, and we are way drunk!

We looked like the 3 stooges running about with our arms above our heads. Simon was Moe. I was Curly screaming woop woop and Mr. Morgan got to Larry by default.

Then we remembered we had bathed her the day before, and also remembered that Delilah fiercely objects water. Like me. Have to pin us and get the hose. She’d fallen twice in her struggle to get away, looking quite the fool as it went frankly, legs in directions we didn’t know could do that independently of each other. Once we remembered this tantrum.... we got mad.

We told her we hated her and called her a buzzkill. Both of us shaming the (right... DOG) for upsetting her parents

"Look at your father! Look at what you did! He's worried sick!"

She's not sorry, says it's what we get for touching her with liquid, and it was HER after all who fell and is suffering.

Other news, Jeff was very upset today. There are a few possibilities to why, but I do believe I am the catalyst to any one of them. Play nice Jeff, others will too, including myself if I remain gainfully employed. I rarely explain my day to Mr. Morgan, but suffice to say that in five minutes he said "If I hear fax machine one more time I'm going to shoot myself." Give ya an idea on the office theme this week?

For everyone who asked why Mr. Morgan wasn't in my video (below) well this is why.
"Everytime you get something that camera comes out."
"Ya. And?"
"Do I have to."
"No, but uh.... you sleep with your hand on your jock and I'll still have that same camera."


To my Army, a little Mika for you, and words of advice I could use lately. I need very much for your support and friendship, comments, and chilling me the fuck out even when you are too busy to. Kindreds are the spice of life, I require reminding now and then that the end of the world isn't always the end of the world.




-DM