Jakes & Jeffs

For a back step for those who don't carry my life events in their heads..... let's revisit Arch-Nemesis Neighbor Jake. I personally do not hate Jake. I often wish Jake would shut the fuck up and stop getting everyone exicted, proclaiming burglars to the other neighboring dogs, but no, I don't hate the animal. I had seen Jake once before and thought he was a Min Pin. Not the case. I also only know Jake's name because it's bitched all time and his middle name ranges from "Stop it" to "Enough!" and "get in here now!" I'm sure he has a lot more.

Simon also HATES Jake. My Russian walks outside like he still has a fine set of balls and ready to enforce them. Simon wakes up, takes a shit and starts right in with Jake. Every..... god.... damned.... morning. Most of you should be thankful that you've never seen me fly out of bed before sunrise, in sloppy bedclothes, crashed hair and a face that insists blood is going to be shed for dragging me outside - barefoot through a fresh pile of puppy poop to tell dogs to shut up.

I don't even care if it's my dog, if it won't calm itself after ten minutes I will get up and yell at it. I BEG the owner to attempt to come to my door over it. It's all I can do to not call animal patrol, so my bitching is a favor. I'm aware Simon has his part in the feud... but I am so fucking sick of being torn from my warm bed to scream like a lunatic "I don't care who started it! Get your ass inside and be ashamed!" Which he usually is.

Ok here is where Jake gets fun. I hadnt seen Kylee for ... about ... an hour? So went to walk outside and make sure she didn't go on the lam and get me in trouble for losing the puppy. As I came down the hall, she was trotting inside with Jake in tow. Like a sleepover. Just totally chilling next to Kylee. I jumped really high, not because he scared me but because he was in my house! I'd have gotten a cute photo but Simon was already rolling down the hall in what I know would have been a poof of dust and growls until one was dead and the other has limped away. My money was on Simon, as he is is meaner than I've ever seen him be about any other dog. Sipod has almost no teeth, so he's lower on the betting ticket, but it's also his house and I can see him saying "You really are NOT sitting in my house with a bone..." and going Rambo on Jake. For his age and disadvantage, (plus he's my kid!) I think he could scrap the shit out of anything on his turf. Thus no photo, I caught the Russian running down the hall in a painful dive before a showdown, but Jake looks something about like this: (bit bigger)

I asked Jake why was was in my house and he practically looked at Kylee to answer for him. I shooed him off and back through the fence he went. Me, pissed, grabbed some shoes, a hammer and an artillary of profanity.

I hammered and bitched while Kylee was mad I took away her friend then she got in trouble too and was sent to fetch Mama a smoke. Jake has a sibling that is also very angry and .... let's go with vocal. Between the 3 of them, the already crashed up fence is taking a massive beating. As I hammered I slipped onto my ass in something like 5 piles of fresh dog shit. It was dangling from bare legs, my arms, back and bonus.... a smudge on my cheek. The only good thing I can say about smoking is I couldn't smell it, but intertwined with grass and dead plants, I was all but prepared for deployment bringing my own camoflauge.

Not a happy girl. They are hell bent at killing eachother and I have no gauge on Jake's siblings' size. Also no interest in having to talk to neighbors or call someone. So that's my fun morning/day.

The Jeff house just got rented again. Sigh. No sign of a dog yet but they seem to bicycle.

- DM