Are these yours?
Dogs are harnessed, we walk out the door.
In our driveway was this. Simon pauses to sniff and I jerk him back, to which he takes great offense and lack of understanding.
"Are those your drawers?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"Quite."
What is almost more notable than the fact someone flung their underwear intentionally into my driveway is that it took .02 seconds for me to find a rubber glove in my house to check them out. The owner has an apparent 32" waist and favors Hanes brand. Somewhere there is a person running about with their junk unsecured. No, I am not going to hold onto them for you. Whatever made you toss them gives me pause to think something happened IN them, TO them, or you were hopped on drugs. None of these things warrant asking for them back. Sorry.
Above. The Jeff's left no shortage of shit. I didn't look close but I'm not sure that fire hydrant is part of the block. It could be, but I've never noticed it before and wouldn't be surprised if it was a prop with all the shit they were hauling out of there. To keep! I'm guilty of hoarding shit too but god damn. My friends will say they are suprised that I wasn't over there digging through it, and I'd just shrug because I haven't. Yet.
What else for the Saturday tidbit. Oh right.
Mr. Morgan found my knife. /shakes a fist that my weaponry was discovered and confiscated.
Sounds like a sentence that isn't heard often right? I've had... ok ... not the best choice perhaps, but a 9 inch knife between the matresses for a little while. Ex-on-the-lam paranioa has gotten the better of me and I thought I should be prepared if an intruder came peeking for a slice-up. I'm not claiming remotely that it was a good idea, but we aren't gun toting folk and I've been ansy. I also don't claim that a knife that large was shocking and a bit much, but it's what I picked. I can imagine Mr. Morgan's face finding that shit thinking JESUS CHRIST! and wondering if I were up to some shit. The thought simply crossed my mind to stash a knife because I'm alone often.
Mr. Morgan is still looking at me with the most "Have you met yourself????" gaze of disbelief.
Then, "crunched the numbers" (a term highly humored by many in the family) and stated I was 99.9 percent more likely to hurt and kill myself with the fucking thing. I couldn't say he was wrong, but I hadn't done either to date, so it was hard to concede he was 100 percent right. I crunched my own numbers.
My cutlery rights have been removed. /hangs head. My mother would probably cheer since I have sliced myself stupid on more than one occassion.
That should do it. Well..... gratuitous Delilah photo, looking spry and active as always.
-DM
ps - The KFC raid should be on Monday. Lord.
In our driveway was this. Simon pauses to sniff and I jerk him back, to which he takes great offense and lack of understanding.
"Are those your drawers?""No."
"You sure?"
"Quite."
What is almost more notable than the fact someone flung their underwear intentionally into my driveway is that it took .02 seconds for me to find a rubber glove in my house to check them out. The owner has an apparent 32" waist and favors Hanes brand. Somewhere there is a person running about with their junk unsecured. No, I am not going to hold onto them for you. Whatever made you toss them gives me pause to think something happened IN them, TO them, or you were hopped on drugs. None of these things warrant asking for them back. Sorry.
Above. The Jeff's left no shortage of shit. I didn't look close but I'm not sure that fire hydrant is part of the block. It could be, but I've never noticed it before and wouldn't be surprised if it was a prop with all the shit they were hauling out of there. To keep! I'm guilty of hoarding shit too but god damn. My friends will say they are suprised that I wasn't over there digging through it, and I'd just shrug because I haven't. Yet.What else for the Saturday tidbit. Oh right.
Mr. Morgan found my knife. /shakes a fist that my weaponry was discovered and confiscated.
Sounds like a sentence that isn't heard often right? I've had... ok ... not the best choice perhaps, but a 9 inch knife between the matresses for a little while. Ex-on-the-lam paranioa has gotten the better of me and I thought I should be prepared if an intruder came peeking for a slice-up. I'm not claiming remotely that it was a good idea, but we aren't gun toting folk and I've been ansy. I also don't claim that a knife that large was shocking and a bit much, but it's what I picked. I can imagine Mr. Morgan's face finding that shit thinking JESUS CHRIST! and wondering if I were up to some shit. The thought simply crossed my mind to stash a knife because I'm alone often.
Mr. Morgan is still looking at me with the most "Have you met yourself????" gaze of disbelief.
Then, "crunched the numbers" (a term highly humored by many in the family) and stated I was 99.9 percent more likely to hurt and kill myself with the fucking thing. I couldn't say he was wrong, but I hadn't done either to date, so it was hard to concede he was 100 percent right. I crunched my own numbers.
My cutlery rights have been removed. /hangs head. My mother would probably cheer since I have sliced myself stupid on more than one occassion.
That should do it. Well..... gratuitous Delilah photo, looking spry and active as always.
-DM
ps - The KFC raid should be on Monday. Lord.
posted by DMorgan's Zoo at
7:12 PM
4 Comments:
I don't think I'd be picking up anyone's nasty, disgarded drawers EVEN with a latex barrier. Even latex is only 99.8% effective.
Was there a butt nekkid guy running around your neighborhood? An atomic wedgie gone horrible wrong? These are the questions I need answer to!
My honey keeps a gun actually, it's a GUN under his pillow (my pillow side). It always freaks me out when he doesn't remember to remove it before I come over.
I wish I'd caught a nekked person. I would have interest in the drawers and given chase!
Lol Moon. Most would agree. When I worked in the lab there were memos all over the fridge door begging people to cover their urine samples. They actually had to ask some of us techs to do that. Some of us don't mind that sort of shit. Remember when I peeled that hawk out of Lisa's grill and it's head shot off? Oh my on that one. Didn't see it coming.
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