Mock--iday

Valentine's is silly.  I'll say it every year, not in hopes to boycott or end the madness... but just because it's crazy that people are guilt gifting.  My valentine's were not presents purchased because I had that crazed expectant, yet ever so silent gaze a wife gets when hovering over a stove or vacuum this close to Valentine's Day.  My gifts were either spawned from true adoration (fear of that stove going cold?), or simply from boredom as Mr. Morgan was idle for an hour waiting on his oil change.

I was presented with a dozen red roses, and some novelty item the other scattered and frantic menfolk had not yet snatched away.  It was very poetic, but not as poetic that while I adore treats.... what I really was wanting was Handi-snacks.  Cheap date much?  Being sunday, Mister went to place a small sports wager and came home with two boxes worth of handi-snacks.  I all but had his genitals in my mouth with appreciation, that is how strong the handi-snack lure can be.  Flowers, awesome.  Novelty.... cute.  Handi-snacks?  Oh shit come here you and bring the Mister with ya.  THAT is valentine's done right.


My gifts for him were candies and a handmade card.  Since our birthin-days are so closely intertwined with the mock holiday I did a two-for.  We both keep assuring eachother that it's a "lean year" which more or less disclaims that perhaps a handi-snack and flower was a suck present.  Nay.  


His main gift was pretty crazy good, and did arrive early so that he could plan travel and guest accordingly.  I think we all know that I collect change.  Not the soul changing sort that I could use a dose of, but actual coin.  When my change ziplock bag becomes very pregnant, I march into a Coinstar with pride.  This run landed me not quite 70 dollars but close enough that I could cover the difference.  I bought him basketball tickets and made him hunt!


A birthin-day/valentine scavenger hunt!  He started on the laptop, then to fridge, etc. all with clues to the next location and on each a note saying sweet things such as "I'm not really so afraid of your socks."  or "I like that you smack your lips whilst sleeping."  and also "it's cute that you run the fan in the bathroom for an hour every day like I don't know what's going on in there.  Baby, I clean your toilet, but thank you."


Even the dog was in on it.... she had a clue on her collar.  The funnest, was that the superbowl babies have a website where you can type in anything you want and that baby will say it!  So his last leg of the race was to listen to the baby saying where to collect final prize.


Go fucking me!  Annnnd I did it all on my own collection dime, no dipping into mutual funds, for some reason that mattered to me.  So part gift, and lots of innovation. 


I made it clear I do not wish to be invited.  Let him go man out or whatever they call it, belching burping and otherwise not modifying their behavior.  I know his friends' wives or girlfriends..... we don't care unless it is so excessive we are being asked to leave our plates and restaurant. 


Hearts to all, and those with none... it's over-rated.

-DM