The Reverend DMorgan

Guess who is a newly legally ordained minister? Nope, not fucking around, your resident demon blogger is officially a Reverend, deemed permissible to perform a great many tasks in any state, granted I follow protocol. Forever with protocol, sucks the fun out of everything fun-ish. (Prada, little miss jesus need not know, last thing I want is a conversation or confessions from that loon). Not to worry, it’s not a churchy practice, this Minister thumps not a bible, and the church that ordained me gives two shits about color, orientation, religious affiliation etc. They drop that saddle at the door, we will officiate damn near anything because it's bullshit to judge.

I can’t tell you why I chose to pursue it. Perhaps I just wanted to see if I could pull it off.

I don’t care that it’s probably laughable to most readers, I am a smart ass for entertainment, but once I received my official papers I went very serious, and smiled thinking “No shit?”. Who woulda thought it?

I told the Grandmaster first and he asked what the credential meant. I said it meant I could legally sign Rev. DMorgan (massive perk) and officiate many things, except for circumcision. That stipulation was rather disappointing because that was the sole purpose of my application and studies, I almost tossed the papers when I saw I couldn’t slice up a pener at will. /brow raise. Lol, my oh my, we all know there must be a REASON they needed to make that clear, but scary all the same.

When I mentioned I could perform a funeral or last rights we jested in very poor taste.

“What, are you going to roam the hospital?”
“Naw, I’ll just ask the staff who seems next, and pass out a business card saying I’m on call.”

Believe it or not, one can obtain a PhD in religion, and it is my next step. Silly or not, it is. I always said I’d be a fucking doctor didn’t I, and I intend to, one way or another. /laughs quietly. It takes a good deal of study, not just a hand out, but not as hard as it should be to carry the after name initials.

Besides, what cooler of a clergyman could you find than me? Confessions?

“I fucked up.”
“Well knock it off. Are you sorry?”
“No.”
“Then GET sorry.”

Another bonus, I can open my own cult, I mean church. Congregation cometh! Collection plates are at the entrance, and all emergency exits for your convenience, sermons are held Wednesday at 6pm in my backyard (other nights are my TV programming).

Ok I do joke, I take this seriously, and hope it lends me a level of perspective that I lack, even if I am an unemployed Rev. That was never the purpose. I suppose I’m sniffing something out, to see where it takes me. I enjoy being a person who does such a variety of things, but I think I am a bit too far of a "ball of me" which is easy to get wrapped into, I imagine we all do sometimes. I want to dip my fingers into things that don't evolve around worry and self pity, this is just the newest affair in the direction. Better than standing still, it’s more than yesterday, and who knows what it’ll bring. Beats sitting around doing nothing, I'll never stop exploring, no good. Next month I may take up knitting and make Prada a sister sweater for her prize cashmere. Point is, there is no reason to ever stop trying to be a better person, taste new adventures, experiencing things both humbles and excites, there is no better thing.

If you still think it’s lame, I can absolve you of your blasphemy. For a fee. Cash only.

-DM

ps - As my first sermon, I would like everyone to open mindedly watch An Inconvenient Truth, and Sicko for homework.