Halloween!
I like him, maybe because I free-lame-style frequently. With the blinds open.
Happy Halloween. With a period, not an exclamation point because I'd sworn it off for this year until the beggars began to arrive promptly to demand loot. It was twice in one week I insisted I was right about a date and Mr. Morgan "crunched the numbers" long enough to make me insane and no longer give a flying cuntsack enough to argue. I have only lived in this town since I was nine, I had a good idea that kids would be coming, as opposed to a neighboring town, who does trick or treat on the day after. No, I had to look the asshole and start dragging out the dregs of props our quasi puppy had not eaten and throw myself into a costume from years before as I couldn't afford that expense this year. It was meager, not even photo worthy but came together in about 7 minutes.
No theme, just pretty much myself, Edmond and a lamp (yes BLD those are rocking ass lanterns, impressed and looked great perched next to the talking/moving robot of an Edmond).
That said.
I had a good amount of crying children, and actually one, two three, different occasions of scared toddlers making a straight beeline INTO my house to flee from Edmond. Oh little crickets, wrong way my precious soldiers. It was hilarious.
Now let's move to why Halloween is now becoming the most sucketh soul stealing ungrateful cauldron of steaming semen froth.
The majority of children at my door were the most shit assed, rude, acting like their parents weren't in distance of me throwing a well aimed rock for raising such brats. Ill-behaved ingrates. The first few batch of them came in packs, looked at my bowl givings and told me what they wanted. I'm sorry, say? Did you seriously just pout and say "Another bag of skittles!"
My house is not a fucking restaurant you spoiled twit, take what I give you or get nothing. I give good candies, and it doesn't come free. And they didn't just have the balls to complain, it was the whole set - balls, dick and hairy arrogance to talk shit within my ear shot. Angry and let down about free candy.
I offended one kid, but I'm not sure he knew he should have been offended and whether that should disturb me is up for debate. I asked his costume - full afro and everything else was plain hodgepodge, which is fine, lie to me, make something up. Don't go begging without a plan. He said he was dressed as Able. I told him that was a really bad idea and would lead to no good, on instinct speaking as I am prone to. Turns out his name is Abel (like ah-bell), but I'd craftishly confused him in a riddle. What are they teaching our kids? I had him pegged for the fucked brother of the pair, who knew.
Got my yearly Juggalo. No photo... he was shifty. I waved him in from a pack of about ten, my candy, my rules, he was pleased and we exchanged a knowing nod, no secret handshake, a nod will do.
Then came more and more jerkfucked little children with the occasional gem in the middle, even the little ones who didn't know trick or treat in English but tried and looked darling. Formative years, lectures on learning English later, not tonight.
I pulled it in a little early when a child approached and began to accept candy, then withdrew. Ok next.
"Are those your REAL legs?" she asked.
/tilt of head. "No I borrowed them." without a beat, because it was a really weird thing to have asked of me and I'm swift like that.
"They are really skinny."
My candy bowl became something that was sinking into the black hole of "you are so out of line." What a cuntish inappropriate line to say to a stranger. I said about as much minus the expletive, and her brother began to immediately realize there was no candy on the plate from casa de Morgan courtesy of his sister's big fucking rude mouth. I wanted to snatch her sack of goods and twirl it over my head for extra leverage before whapping her on her bottom into the street.
I'm aware. I'm white. I'm thin, don't be so god damned honest. Learn to lie like the rest of us. Especially when asking for a freebie. Talk shit later to your friends. At the end of post I've included a former photoof legs..... which YES are stringy without a doubt, but freakishly scary? Wow. I wonder if I can get out of bed in the morning or should I crawl.
Mr' Morgan's fare of Hallow was this:
Which he baked once I went to bed bitching about leg girl and who should beat the words out of her.
Sometime between this and the former photo, he broke my camera. Could it be he was shit faced? Naw, doesn't look it.......
Hope all had a festive holiday. I've sworn off children for a good while now. The sense of entitlement is on my last nerve. Gimme a cell phone, an Ipod, a PS3, Xbox. Kids need to earn things not run about like the world is an oyster. Come to my house and I'll give you either a hug or a kick in the ass.... your mood will make the choice.
Chicken 'de Freaky:
They are everything but voluptuous, but they get me around. Put 20 pounds on those to my upper torso, how would I look then? Ya.
-DM
Happy Halloween. With a period, not an exclamation point because I'd sworn it off for this year until the beggars began to arrive promptly to demand loot. It was twice in one week I insisted I was right about a date and Mr. Morgan "crunched the numbers" long enough to make me insane and no longer give a flying cuntsack enough to argue. I have only lived in this town since I was nine, I had a good idea that kids would be coming, as opposed to a neighboring town, who does trick or treat on the day after. No, I had to look the asshole and start dragging out the dregs of props our quasi puppy had not eaten and throw myself into a costume from years before as I couldn't afford that expense this year. It was meager, not even photo worthy but came together in about 7 minutes.
No theme, just pretty much myself, Edmond and a lamp (yes BLD those are rocking ass lanterns, impressed and looked great perched next to the talking/moving robot of an Edmond).
That said.
I had a good amount of crying children, and actually one, two three, different occasions of scared toddlers making a straight beeline INTO my house to flee from Edmond. Oh little crickets, wrong way my precious soldiers. It was hilarious.
Now let's move to why Halloween is now becoming the most sucketh soul stealing ungrateful cauldron of steaming semen froth.
The majority of children at my door were the most shit assed, rude, acting like their parents weren't in distance of me throwing a well aimed rock for raising such brats. Ill-behaved ingrates. The first few batch of them came in packs, looked at my bowl givings and told me what they wanted. I'm sorry, say? Did you seriously just pout and say "Another bag of skittles!"
My house is not a fucking restaurant you spoiled twit, take what I give you or get nothing. I give good candies, and it doesn't come free. And they didn't just have the balls to complain, it was the whole set - balls, dick and hairy arrogance to talk shit within my ear shot. Angry and let down about free candy.
I offended one kid, but I'm not sure he knew he should have been offended and whether that should disturb me is up for debate. I asked his costume - full afro and everything else was plain hodgepodge, which is fine, lie to me, make something up. Don't go begging without a plan. He said he was dressed as Able. I told him that was a really bad idea and would lead to no good, on instinct speaking as I am prone to. Turns out his name is Abel (like ah-bell), but I'd craftishly confused him in a riddle. What are they teaching our kids? I had him pegged for the fucked brother of the pair, who knew.
Got my yearly Juggalo. No photo... he was shifty. I waved him in from a pack of about ten, my candy, my rules, he was pleased and we exchanged a knowing nod, no secret handshake, a nod will do.
Then came more and more jerkfucked little children with the occasional gem in the middle, even the little ones who didn't know trick or treat in English but tried and looked darling. Formative years, lectures on learning English later, not tonight.
I pulled it in a little early when a child approached and began to accept candy, then withdrew. Ok next.
"Are those your REAL legs?" she asked.
/tilt of head. "No I borrowed them." without a beat, because it was a really weird thing to have asked of me and I'm swift like that.
"They are really skinny."
My candy bowl became something that was sinking into the black hole of "you are so out of line." What a cuntish inappropriate line to say to a stranger. I said about as much minus the expletive, and her brother began to immediately realize there was no candy on the plate from casa de Morgan courtesy of his sister's big fucking rude mouth. I wanted to snatch her sack of goods and twirl it over my head for extra leverage before whapping her on her bottom into the street.
I'm aware. I'm white. I'm thin, don't be so god damned honest. Learn to lie like the rest of us. Especially when asking for a freebie. Talk shit later to your friends. At the end of post I've included a former photoof legs..... which YES are stringy without a doubt, but freakishly scary? Wow. I wonder if I can get out of bed in the morning or should I crawl.
Mr' Morgan's fare of Hallow was this:
Which he baked once I went to bed bitching about leg girl and who should beat the words out of her.
Sometime between this and the former photo, he broke my camera. Could it be he was shit faced? Naw, doesn't look it.......Hope all had a festive holiday. I've sworn off children for a good while now. The sense of entitlement is on my last nerve. Gimme a cell phone, an Ipod, a PS3, Xbox. Kids need to earn things not run about like the world is an oyster. Come to my house and I'll give you either a hug or a kick in the ass.... your mood will make the choice.
Chicken 'de Freaky:
They are everything but voluptuous, but they get me around. Put 20 pounds on those to my upper torso, how would I look then? Ya.-DM
posted by DMorgan's Zoo at
5:45 PM
4 Comments:
Nothin' wrong with your legs that I can see. I do think kids these days seem to be getting worse and worse. Might be a sing of getting old, just uttering the phrase "kids these days."
I could actually link kids to several aspects of this recession/depression we're in, but that would sound like ranting, and I'd hate to rant on another's blog.
Feel free by all means.
i have a different take: I've always admired the refreshing honesty of children.
For example, I know I'm fat. On one hand, I do wonder why people concern themselves with things like skinny/fat/short/tall/bald when they don't have to fuck the person. But I also get weary of the very common tactic of denial of the obvious.
I would swear off the kids too (i did) for the rude opinions about candy, which should be saved for the sharing and comparing after trick or treat is over. But idk, the skinny legs thing probably wouldn't have even hit my radar. The hands down best compliment I ever got as an adult was from an 8 year old boy who told me I was the prettiest person he'd ever met because it was just as sincere as any you're fat I've received from 8 year olds.
Caveat - I do understand that people are more willing to point out skinny than fat. Idiots.
Not sure I agree. People and kids ... who are little people's in training, are apt to point out all sorts of shit. I absolutely agree that acting like something isn't staring you in the face is lame. Example the handicapped, like they aren't fucking aware. Doesn't mean you need to be a cocksucker about it, but it's not a white elephant and it can be annoying. No one ever asks about my hands and I don't think I'm THAT good of a sneak. My mother my testify otherwise. I'm sensitive about my weight, for such a long list of reasons I normally don't care. That tiny child, for some reason fluffed my feathers. We getting older folks have daily pains and shit we try to blow off lest some smart mouthed brat point out a shitty comment while begging.
And BLD you ARE ARE ARE beyond beautiful. I barely see you are heavy, short of when I flop into your lap, and that's when I'm most happy because I can nestle into the goodness. Love you.
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