Who knows the Muffin Man
We all loved you Zelds. You pissed on me and I didn't care in the least, nor did you.
Nothing too tempting to report other than most gifts have arrived. Every box I get is followed by a trail of dogs who somehow think it is for them, if not now, later. My door is closed while I'm away. I mailed the remaining MRE package to an office associate, who brought us muffins recently and wouldn't (couldn't?) stop raving to my boss about me. Nice nice, and yet I reward this behavior with an MRE? See explanation below. I really find it hilarious, and guess he will too. Be better if my boss said nice things to me, but I'll take what I can get. Really, all I do is make him laugh, so if iit gets us muffins and praise.... shit, well done chap.
----
Hi ________
So I was sitting at home staring at the hideous piles of wrapped things I once called my money. Every year I make up Christmas packs for the staff, just little trinkets and what not to kick off the holiday.
Then…… /beat, …… word…. got …. out. Worse than a sewing circle, people began to clamor for bags of junk that retail at 10 bucks each tops. And let me tell you – they are ready to fight for the damned things as I watch with great interest and start a bucket for the betting money on who is going to scrap the best. My tidy list of 6 went to 12, and this year 24….. with people still stomping feet and sulking for not making the cut.
Was talking to ______________ earlier, and if you recall that poor chicken got a pedicure this last convention and took up with a rash I’m told was formidable. How can’t I make it up to her, she spoils me with chocolate, just doesn’t know that when I say “It’s my pleasure, just get my chocolate.” That I am kidding, I don’t eat that stuff. I only had one kit left and thought oh no….. ______!
So I wandered the house, dogs following me like a piece of cheese because to them….. that’s really all I am, a walking vending machine, and there it was…… in the corner. The room went dark and a spotlight appeared to illuminate it.
No shit, it’s an MRE (meals ready to eat). I thought to myself, he once fed us, let’s feed him! I can’t lie and say it’s not a smart ass gift, but I was out of the good packs!
Nothing in there is …. Ok back up. I almost said nothing in there is gross, but I was meaning contaminated or otherwise compromised. Frankly it’s all gross on varying levels and left over from one of my antics (remember I write for a website because _____ (MY JOB NAME)____ doesn’t make me All I Can Be) where I ate those vile packs for 3 days. I planned for a week of nothing but MRE’s but after 3 days of it my body was leaving threatening notes on my pillow and I had to call the experiment off. My crew agreed we had gotten sufficient footage, and my intestines thanked them deeply.
They really aren’t so bad, and good to have in a pinch. Best I could do, my dogs and husband think it’s reasonable but they are known liars (one of the dogs speaks only Russian), and I suspect they simply want the thing out of the house. My Mister grins every time something leaves the property, only to frown when I come home sacking in twice as much.
So MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and your family!
---
To anyone who hasn't received a pack yet, you didn't ask, or it's in the mail.
-DM
Nothing too tempting to report other than most gifts have arrived. Every box I get is followed by a trail of dogs who somehow think it is for them, if not now, later. My door is closed while I'm away. I mailed the remaining MRE package to an office associate, who brought us muffins recently and wouldn't (couldn't?) stop raving to my boss about me. Nice nice, and yet I reward this behavior with an MRE? See explanation below. I really find it hilarious, and guess he will too. Be better if my boss said nice things to me, but I'll take what I can get. Really, all I do is make him laugh, so if iit gets us muffins and praise.... shit, well done chap.----
Hi ________
So I was sitting at home staring at the hideous piles of wrapped things I once called my money. Every year I make up Christmas packs for the staff, just little trinkets and what not to kick off the holiday.
Then…… /beat, …… word…. got …. out. Worse than a sewing circle, people began to clamor for bags of junk that retail at 10 bucks each tops. And let me tell you – they are ready to fight for the damned things as I watch with great interest and start a bucket for the betting money on who is going to scrap the best. My tidy list of 6 went to 12, and this year 24….. with people still stomping feet and sulking for not making the cut.
Was talking to ______________ earlier, and if you recall that poor chicken got a pedicure this last convention and took up with a rash I’m told was formidable. How can’t I make it up to her, she spoils me with chocolate, just doesn’t know that when I say “It’s my pleasure, just get my chocolate.” That I am kidding, I don’t eat that stuff. I only had one kit left and thought oh no….. ______!
So I wandered the house, dogs following me like a piece of cheese because to them….. that’s really all I am, a walking vending machine, and there it was…… in the corner. The room went dark and a spotlight appeared to illuminate it.
No shit, it’s an MRE (meals ready to eat). I thought to myself, he once fed us, let’s feed him! I can’t lie and say it’s not a smart ass gift, but I was out of the good packs!
Nothing in there is …. Ok back up. I almost said nothing in there is gross, but I was meaning contaminated or otherwise compromised. Frankly it’s all gross on varying levels and left over from one of my antics (remember I write for a website because _____ (MY JOB NAME)____ doesn’t make me All I Can Be) where I ate those vile packs for 3 days. I planned for a week of nothing but MRE’s but after 3 days of it my body was leaving threatening notes on my pillow and I had to call the experiment off. My crew agreed we had gotten sufficient footage, and my intestines thanked them deeply.
They really aren’t so bad, and good to have in a pinch. Best I could do, my dogs and husband think it’s reasonable but they are known liars (one of the dogs speaks only Russian), and I suspect they simply want the thing out of the house. My Mister grins every time something leaves the property, only to frown when I come home sacking in twice as much.
So MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and your family!
---
To anyone who hasn't received a pack yet, you didn't ask, or it's in the mail.
-DM
posted by DMorgan's Zoo at
5:00 PM
3 Comments:
haha, I still have a nearly full case of MREs. I guess I never thought to gift them!
MREs - if I could spread them with cream cheese they would become as acceptable as fruitcake.
ROFL all that explanation then suddenly - So merry christmas to you and your family! LOL! Love it!
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