Code Run Away

I got home today to a Fed Ex hangy thing on my door. My heart stopped for a moment and I fisted my chest to remind it we needed to work together in this. Could it be the Jude package? Could it?

The note said they came and didn't feel like wasting more gas, and the second attempt was on my dollar. I felt that was fair enough, but what was it? For a moment I thought oh FUCK the IRS found me, but they aren't shy enough to go all lamb under the guise of Federal Express.

I called the number, one of those asshole god damned numbers that make me wonder why I sit at my desk when clearly a fucking machine is doing it all just fine. I got angry enough even the machine told me to calm down and she was doing the best she could.

I replied that she was certainly not and that I wanted a person. She laughed and hung up. I fuck you not that recorded prompted bitch hung up on me.

I found my local phone book and dialed the number, mashing buttons until a woman named Yolanda answered. She asked how she might assist me and I flat thanked her for being a living human being with a non-mechanical voice, to which she replied that she was glad I was also human, and not starting off by bitching about things she could not help. We were on the right path.

I told her I simply wanted to know where this package was from. She was more than able to help me and didn't even fuck around in getting me what I wanted to know.

It's from a research facility in Texas. /serious mother fucking pause.

Anyone else freaked the fuck out by that?????

Research.... TEXAS??????

What.. did I tell too many GW jokes? I have no idea what this thing is and I plan to throw shit at it for bomb potential.

Research? I have always thought myself interesting but I am seriously beside myself on this one. Fed Ex isn't remotely free. My mind races of what these people have been told. Should I be ouside looking for people in radiation suits or what?

I'll let you all know tomorrow when I pick it up. I told Yolanda that gas wasn't cheap and it would be silly for the man to try again in vain. Yolanda agreed and appreciated that, telling me about her own issues with gasoline and a lot of nods took place. Yolanda needs a raise. Customer service is far and between and she felt the pain of my hoping it had been from Jude and even expressed some sorrow in my dissapointment. Yolanda I love you.

The rest of me is fucking extremely curious, nervous and intrigued about this package. To be continued.

-DM