Breakfast!
Blog been on blah for re-vamp, but it went to fuck so .... ok. Working on some custom items, too much on my plate lately.
Did you know that having a tattoo increases the odds of an allergic reaction with hair dye? I’m writing to find out why (as I sit baking and waiting for hives, does the number of tattoos correlate to a bigger reaction? I mean, can I max out and just burst into dust while mixing the bottle?). In other recent writings, I’ve been eating an obscene amount of heat-and-eat breakfast’s made by Aunt Jemima not because it’s a crazed obsession but because I expressed that I once enjoyed one, then a dozen came home in a bag. It was the only food in the house short of sharing the dog kibble, and I considered it on day 5 of the plan. Since I was already resentful and feeling forced to eat the same slop day after day, when I opened a box to find it missing a sausage, well I was less than forgiving.
I believe I took my food anger out on the company. For a person who didn’t even want to eat the shit to begin with, writing a letter to bitch about the sausage was....warranted.
Dear Jemima,
I have long been a loyal consumer of your delicious treats, in fact so deeply embedded in my mind from infancy that I see your name and likeliness on a box and I purchase it for the sake of knowing you would never do me wrong. We had a trust between us.
This trust was tested last week when I opened one of your breakfast samplers (UPC enclosed, as well as a front photo package of the promised contents). The front photo on the box showed two sausages, 3 pancakes and fruit – which I understood to be a selling item in the photo and not included. I was fine with the lack of fruit and in fact applauded the garnish as clever advertising. The missing sausage however, wrenched my face in a way that thankfully was not seen. You see, I was counting on that second sausage.
I didn’t purchase a meal presuming one sausage, all sausage come in pairs as any breakfast eater would readily know. Where is my sausage? Who ate on my dime? I do understand that factory inconsistencies happen, yet at the same juncture I read that box and it promised me two. My ketchup allotment for the morning was based not on one, but two. Think of the disappointment abounding, lonely ketchup, confused consumer, digging under pancakes insisting the hidden link was underneath.
Jemima I am confident that you care deeply for those you are delivering spectacular breakfasts to start the mornings of a great many people. In return I would like either my sausage, or a voucher for another one.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
-DM
Did you know that having a tattoo increases the odds of an allergic reaction with hair dye? I’m writing to find out why (as I sit baking and waiting for hives, does the number of tattoos correlate to a bigger reaction? I mean, can I max out and just burst into dust while mixing the bottle?). In other recent writings, I’ve been eating an obscene amount of heat-and-eat breakfast’s made by Aunt Jemima not because it’s a crazed obsession but because I expressed that I once enjoyed one, then a dozen came home in a bag. It was the only food in the house short of sharing the dog kibble, and I considered it on day 5 of the plan. Since I was already resentful and feeling forced to eat the same slop day after day, when I opened a box to find it missing a sausage, well I was less than forgiving.
I believe I took my food anger out on the company. For a person who didn’t even want to eat the shit to begin with, writing a letter to bitch about the sausage was....warranted.
Dear Jemima,
I have long been a loyal consumer of your delicious treats, in fact so deeply embedded in my mind from infancy that I see your name and likeliness on a box and I purchase it for the sake of knowing you would never do me wrong. We had a trust between us.
This trust was tested last week when I opened one of your breakfast samplers (UPC enclosed, as well as a front photo package of the promised contents). The front photo on the box showed two sausages, 3 pancakes and fruit – which I understood to be a selling item in the photo and not included. I was fine with the lack of fruit and in fact applauded the garnish as clever advertising. The missing sausage however, wrenched my face in a way that thankfully was not seen. You see, I was counting on that second sausage.
I didn’t purchase a meal presuming one sausage, all sausage come in pairs as any breakfast eater would readily know. Where is my sausage? Who ate on my dime? I do understand that factory inconsistencies happen, yet at the same juncture I read that box and it promised me two. My ketchup allotment for the morning was based not on one, but two. Think of the disappointment abounding, lonely ketchup, confused consumer, digging under pancakes insisting the hidden link was underneath.
Jemima I am confident that you care deeply for those you are delivering spectacular breakfasts to start the mornings of a great many people. In return I would like either my sausage, or a voucher for another one.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
-DM
posted by DMorgan's Zoo at
6:16 PM
3 Comments:
OH my gosh you crack me up! I literally laughed at loud when I read your letter! I can't wait to hear what they thought when they received it. I bet you get a voucher for not one but TWO breakfastessess.
I hope that if you get a sausage in the mail it isnt to old. LMFAO
I just hope they aren't able to actually track down the errant sausage (in whatever form it may be) and deliver said missing sausage to you! Were I to have a lonely, unrewarding job in a customer complaint department of a large conglomerate corporation, I would think it all worthwhile to get just one of Ms. Morgan's letters. I'm sure you've made some poor cube rat a happier person, if for only a moment!
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