No, I am not ok. We did all could. Yesterday time stood still and it was, not counting today the single worst thing we have ever gone through. She was suffering, yet gave me kissies and patted her tail until the very last time we saw her awake.
We got the call we knew was coming and we went to be with her. She was sedated with a tube down her throat and mister went into full throttle meltdown and had to leave. It is not easy to stay while they inject your dog, your very heart, with a chemical to kill her. I stayed. They say hearing is the last thing to go, so I whispered to her softly how good of a girl she was, how pretty she was and that her spots looked extra special today, while in my head was a screaming voice saying YOU ARE KILLING YOUR DOG!
I've cried that for the last 24 hours. I killed my dog. I allowed them to kill her. We are not in the best of places and weep on a keening level. Everywhere in this house are reminders of her. Even looking at Simon, reminds me of Delilah. Some people probably don't understand how very bonded and attached we are to her. You'd think it was our infant child struggling to live with how fiercely we love her. No I will not say loved, we LOVE her. To watch her try to be herself was painful, because she was doing it for us. That fucking kills me. We didn't know what else to do. That's about all for today, I think it's enough.
-DM
We got the call we knew was coming and we went to be with her. She was sedated with a tube down her throat and mister went into full throttle meltdown and had to leave. It is not easy to stay while they inject your dog, your very heart, with a chemical to kill her. I stayed. They say hearing is the last thing to go, so I whispered to her softly how good of a girl she was, how pretty she was and that her spots looked extra special today, while in my head was a screaming voice saying YOU ARE KILLING YOUR DOG!
I've cried that for the last 24 hours. I killed my dog. I allowed them to kill her. We are not in the best of places and weep on a keening level. Everywhere in this house are reminders of her. Even looking at Simon, reminds me of Delilah. Some people probably don't understand how very bonded and attached we are to her. You'd think it was our infant child struggling to live with how fiercely we love her. No I will not say loved, we LOVE her. To watch her try to be herself was painful, because she was doing it for us. That fucking kills me. We didn't know what else to do. That's about all for today, I think it's enough.
-DM
posted by DMorgan's Zoo at
5:31 PM
8 Comments:
love you
I know you're not :( I love you and thinking of you! xoxox
Let me know if you need anything
I need my dog back. But thank you all for the kindness.
I wish there was something I could do. This breaks my heart.
Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
My boyfriend sent me this when I lost my dog last year. I still cry when I think about her.
It's all worthless words right now, but you did all you could and she's in a better place.
You know that I know what you're going through. You were braver than me as I couldn't bear to be there. I was a coward and it haunts me but you were there for her until the end.
Be sad, you need to be right now. But know she's smiling down on you.
Shan is right that you did all you could. And you were there for her, which was so important.
Thinking of you lots and sending more love and /comfort your way.
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