Assaulted from every angle....

I had a bite to appear in person for a job. Got clean, got curled, got frustrated.

This will be repeated on the Daily Klyee, but different verbage. Here.... we can just say are you fucking serious??? In no way was this propped, I 100 percent caught this bitch enjoying my toilet paper when she damn well knows my intestinal routine. I came out to leave and she was sitting there just like that, as though it was normal.

After failing another job attempt, I return to find Kylee with yet another piece of contraband, a member of the herd in her mouth. Oh-no-she-didn't! Yes, yes she certainly did. She stole and ate a hand crafted two foot herd member and chose to do so at the worst possible time. Frustrated from the job not working out, had I been caught, it would have been a crazy woman swinging a giraffe by it's neck like a weapon. She bolted cartoon style as this was the first swatting of her brown life. I screamed that the next time she so much as looked at a spot, she'd be SEEING them.

Being pretty upset over things that seem trivial, I almost cancelled my canvasing. I went. It took one day (about two hours) of my walking campaign to end with a limp and a whimper. I stepped on a nail. No, I stomped onto a nail. The moment my back decided to stop torturing me, it let the foot know to go ahead with Plan B and start trouble. Plan B apparently was to secretly construct a super power foot magnet and lead my foot towards the nail like a missle launched by Cheney to punish me for daring to not conform.

Mr. Morgan thought I was being a baby or otherwise whining about inconsequencial shit until he saw the blood and vanished with a poof of dust. Sometimes I want to toss him into an emergency room with a second timer taking bets on how quickly he'll faint or vomit. Kylee took her station beside me with a very serious expression, and determination to be of service should her name be called. Either that, or she was baffling and thinking "what the fuck did you do THIS time?" But attentive she was, and eager to lick the blood and make sure Mama's foot got a nice dose of whatever she'd just licked from her crotch. Thanks baby girl.

I got home with my clipboard and my notes, gear...... nail. My decision not to return to headquarters was based simply on the fact that I hadn't finished my route. I was told no different. Around 9pm my phone lit up by the frantic organizer of home base.

"We need that clipboard, now. Can you please come down?"
"No. I'm in my bed clothes."
"We really need it so that we can calculate our counts."
"I'm not holding it hostage, promise, I can be there in the morning."

Stepped on a nail AND managed to ruin their daily counts. I am a menace!

I returned the damn thing after doing errands - which included all the normal things people do at 9am, gasoline, ciggarettes, and a jot to the liquor store - which looks extra special when a person is limping. Yes, please sell alcohol to the lady who looks like one leg is already full of it. I mentioned my misfortune to the cashier and he said "Why did you do that?" Even I had no sort of response, smart ass or clever.

After returning the golden clipboard the organizer who ha called rolled into the parking lot. I beat him to the punch woo! He wanted to chat me up, for a bit too long and being stupid, I took little notice. I was there to work, it was a simple interraogation. This hit me after I made a series of two mistakes. He had given me his personal card to call if I came into trouble whilst walking... I got bored so hit his website later that day. This begins the first of massive stupidity that any person would readilly recognise.

He asked about the clipboard and I said it was in good hands with a nice woman inside. That way. /pointing. He asked for more work, I said I wasn't quite a walker with a nail wound and damn if he didn't have something to substitute.

I mentioned the nail and he went overly concerned. Still didn't did hit me that I was being eyeballed, I presumed him reacting so strongly was an attempt to feel out if I felt litigious. I AM totally oblivious. He then mentioned that a group of California folks were coming in tommorow, would I come? I immediately said EW! It was a knee jerk reply. Don't bus them in for fuck's sake, Nevada has enough Cali bullshit. Then I remembered his bis card stated he is from San Fran. DOH #1.

Trying to stray from insulting his home state with clear disgust, I mentioned that I'd gone to his website and asked if the photography was his. Landscapes, nothing tawdry. DOH #2 was when I said that he had more hair then, and I'd noticed. Ugh.

Again, I totally presumed this was chit-chat and for our mutual cause when time got all Matrix style and it occured to me that he was subtly trying to hit on me, while I was obviously wearing a not so subtle wedding ring. I've been married too long to notice when I'm being hit on, and quite dig who I married so it didn't occur to me at all until a flash bulb lit in my head and I thought "oh shit!" and the last few days of conversing with him was most definitely a shy way of him flirting.

The foot seems better today and my weekend isn't half bad thus far. Mr. Morgan will bring me epoxy to fix the Raffe, although quite a few pieces were consumed, or made into carpet toothpicks.

-DM