I'm Bad!

Odd packages on my door step always create a happy leap in my stride. The larger the better. Today a very good sized box sat on my porch waiting to be torn into. Unexpected package at that! Mystery presents can't be bad!

I ask at this point that my sister-in-law (sorry I've not come up with a web moniker for you yet) use utmost discretion, because Mr. Morgan to his soul does not believe that men and women can be friends. So I ask sister-in-law not to mention fun packages to Mr. Morgan, not that I hide my presents, but because he has some insecurities that I have yet to understand. I DO have a select few male friends, and none have ever been anything but gentlemen, or they do not remain my friends, everyone knows that, but Mr. Morgan as a penis haver thinks I just don't understand the game. Talking ain't fucking, have a little faith in me man.... and while my male friends are possibly talented... I'd like to see a penis reach from the east coast to get at me. If wanted anyone else, I wouldn't be with my husband or disrespect all that, it's simple to me. Pen pals rock, and I love mail.

THIS package is the ongoing toy exchange! Same mother fucker who cursed me with the Sea Monkeys at Christmas - Professor Dr. Plucky Duck, MD, long time contributor to the Zoo Experiments.

I circled the box for a long time. Shook it. Kicked it a time or two. Inside well. Lmao. Wow.


Vintage gear or garbage from the garage? For those who don't see my expressions often, that is my look of not really knowing what the fuck to think. Didn't stop me from putting it on within about ten seconds though. Until....

Duck? .... what is that because I'm pretty sure it's lippin' stick. Who's shit did you send me? Will they want it back? Am I going to get the "Beat It" beat down of my life because you gave me someone's property? Does this shirt belong to dirty Diana, Duck? Do I need to like watch for a rash and shit?

Also in the box were voodoo toys and fun, and a roll of paper towels. I almost say that was my favorite item, because I have remarked often how nice the brand he buys are. Mine are like one-ply toilet paper, his are the shit commercials are made of. I took off with those first to hide and ration them.

Other news I got into a ... let's call it a disagreement with one of my doctors today. Or one of my former doctors I guess because I doubt he'll allow me back into his office. Last week I got into a frowny situation with a nurse at a different doctor's office over a bandaid. Yes, a bandaid. If I have to get my 3 month shot in the ass from a strange nurse I want a fun bandaid. I don't care what, my usual nurse knows I like the crayola ones best, but I'll take anything that isn't tan without print. So see my USUAL nurse knows this, just as I am equally keen to the fact that strange nurses give ass shots that make it impossible to sit for a week. There has to be some sort of comprimise, and the bandaid swap is me totally cutting my loses in exchange for some Charlie fucking Brown goodness over my ass wound!

I guess I am just making friends, as usual, all over.

-DM

-ps don't think for a moment I'm not laughing hard at the MJ shit, I think it's fucking beyond rocking and brought a giant smile to my much needing smiling face.