Puttin' on the Ritz
This is all the pre-taste I can allow. Game fucking on. /massive wide grin.
There was a formidable battle with the costume company today, wondering where the part that makes the hat less silly resides. The gal on the phone, while nice and presumably adorable, faltered.... and I know what faltering generally means, I answer phones, I'm just frankly way better than her on knowing the answer to make that person not go apeshit over an obvious lie. "It could be, or could not be in some GIANT shipment received yesterday" and the worker bees were digging through it as if to find the Hope diamond and make me... their BEST customer, pleased and somewhere eating ice cream with the giraffes. Maybe they don't want one of my letters, and really... I just want the fucking costume.
I explained how long I'd saved change and that God himself sent me to their website with absolute certainty of that costume being produced. She indicated she did not want to let down god and I replied it was best not to as god can get tricky on your ass. And, more importantly, not on my halloween because I have voodoo kits and shit to get all crazy with. More faltering, but being on the phone with me can be quite trying, and it's intentional, I don't pretend to say I speak normally or predictably and often take people off guard. How are you? Happy! I say that a lot, when I mean it, but no one ever expects that and it's a shame. So much more grand than the canned forced answer of good, or ok, or fuck off. Although fuck off is equally stunning in it's effects.
I think I may have made vacation plans with a stranger today, shit no.... TWO strangers (one as a stowaway). One must find entertainment in phones. You've all used them and found the standard "I hate my life" person on the other end. That is me some... ok most... days, but I am playful when the person calling actually has an idea of who they are and what the fuck they are distracting me for. It helps.
Well so, no costume yet, and no reply from the Jemima front. I did write to Hamburger Helper asking for one of those cool happy faced gloves but was denied as if I was passing a venerial disease via internet. I call for a Helper Ban!!!
-DM
There was a formidable battle with the costume company today, wondering where the part that makes the hat less silly resides. The gal on the phone, while nice and presumably adorable, faltered.... and I know what faltering generally means, I answer phones, I'm just frankly way better than her on knowing the answer to make that person not go apeshit over an obvious lie. "It could be, or could not be in some GIANT shipment received yesterday" and the worker bees were digging through it as if to find the Hope diamond and make me... their BEST customer, pleased and somewhere eating ice cream with the giraffes. Maybe they don't want one of my letters, and really... I just want the fucking costume.I explained how long I'd saved change and that God himself sent me to their website with absolute certainty of that costume being produced. She indicated she did not want to let down god and I replied it was best not to as god can get tricky on your ass. And, more importantly, not on my halloween because I have voodoo kits and shit to get all crazy with. More faltering, but being on the phone with me can be quite trying, and it's intentional, I don't pretend to say I speak normally or predictably and often take people off guard. How are you? Happy! I say that a lot, when I mean it, but no one ever expects that and it's a shame. So much more grand than the canned forced answer of good, or ok, or fuck off. Although fuck off is equally stunning in it's effects.
I think I may have made vacation plans with a stranger today, shit no.... TWO strangers (one as a stowaway). One must find entertainment in phones. You've all used them and found the standard "I hate my life" person on the other end. That is me some... ok most... days, but I am playful when the person calling actually has an idea of who they are and what the fuck they are distracting me for. It helps.
Well so, no costume yet, and no reply from the Jemima front. I did write to Hamburger Helper asking for one of those cool happy faced gloves but was denied as if I was passing a venerial disease via internet. I call for a Helper Ban!!!
-DM
posted by DMorgan's Zoo at
5:44 PM
3 Comments:
Honestly, you are just too dang cute! Those costume companies should be kissing your butt to order their stuff. At the very least, they should be sending you all kinds of free stuff for modeling it and making it look GOOOOOOOD!
Also, I'm totally on board for the Helper Boycott. Of course, I've been boycotting that box of paper-tasting, vomitus enducing product for years....only now, I have a reason!
thinking you were born for hats.
xo
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