Caramel Chip

Today I am Caramel Chip, named by Monkey Lemonade (Merck). Yeah, I name people daily and they name me back.

Right so I got this present at Christmas a while ago and ... well as I am told by Mr. Morgan (perhaps sister in law who .... from now on is given the moniker Prada - you're official baby! -, can chime in on) that I wouldn't shut the fuck up gushing over it. It is the most hated item in my house. I would never in my fucking life appreicate something like that, so the booze that night must have been fuh-lowing!

The photo of this so called present, and let's be honest... anyone who knows me for ten seconds would know this is a stupid gift. Homeless people would refuse it. I don't frame things often and when I do I don't do it with weeds. You can't tell from the photo but it's made of ... something from fucking Indonesia and weighs about ten pounds. A concrete frame! Thanks! Did I ever mention I am allergic to sagebrush, so even seeing a fake one on a photo frame is insulting? Nothing gives a subtle I want you to die more than depicting what will make my throat close up. I KNOW I've mentioned that but I don't want to give the presenter of "gift" too much credit because it's far more likely a dollar bin was calling her name that day and she thought... ohhh yeah...DM will LOVE this piece of shit.

But true to form, I tend to find a use for everything. I put a photo of the whacker toy Dr. Plucky sent me a while ago, and I am going to mail it. To whom? Well isn't that the fun part? Below is the note that is going in the package.


Hello! I am sending you this frame because it was a gift to me for Christmas some years ago and I think it is the worst thing ever created and it’s inventor needs serious talking to. Don’t worry, there is nothing wrong with it whatsoever other than it is simply quite ugly and I can’t stand to see it in my house for even one more day.

I write for a website and decided to randomly mail this monstrosity, in hopes for feedback that it truly is as bad as I find it to be. Or any feedback, perhaps you will find it to be a gem. Maybe you will even decide to throw it off the top of a building to see if it will bounce, that would be great… but let me know if it does in fact bounce.

If you wouldn’t mind sending me a note on what you think of this ridiculous thing I would greatly appreciate it and, will be a good article for my readers. Thanks for your help on my experiment. If you do not have email, perhaps you can pass it so someone who does who can email me the fate of hated frame.

Either way, please do not send it back to me, getting it once was bad enough.

Sincerely,

D. Morgan
Dmorgan255@yahoo.com

I will let you know if/when I hear back from the recipient. I am half tempted to send it back to who fucking gave it to me under the anonymous pretense, which would likely be a better job of pulling off this prank, I haven't decided on that yet.

-DM

ps - as an end note as I wrote this up I looked over because Simon was smacking lips. I asked him what he had and he spit out a metal tack. What... the fuck???? I asked "what the fuck is wrong with you?" and he admitted he didn't know. I asked if he was a goat in a yorkies' body, and that we would accept and love him even if so, but he said he didn't know what a goat was. I am so severely baffled over tack chewing... I think I need to drink wine until I myself turn into a goat, or until that frame starts looking good again.