Criminal on the lam!

I did take my pc to the doctor. I parked backwards on the street “the better to haul it with” as the brain of my life isn’t exactly floating against the laws of physics. I hadn’t gotten inside for any longer than my ass brushing inside of the door when a meter cop came running in, personally offended I’d parked backwards and got all stick waving on me.

And it’s off the races folks.

I am not a violent person and aside from my language I am a very polite person. In my arms I was obviously holding a VW Bugs’ worth in weight, but he was concerned about which way my car was facing on the street. By the way…… not a single other car parked on the entire block.

I told him to chill the fuck out, let me put this down and I’ll flip the car to an acceptable level to appease his power eating quota. I set it down, asked the guy inside to watch my bag and went back out. Mother fucker was writing a ticket!

“Um, sir we discussed that I would need at least ten seconds to unload my arms and grab my keys.”
“Yes but you parked the wrong way.” says meterman as he kept writing, staring at my bumper as through I’d insulted his dick and stole some license plates.

“Man…. Cmon, seriously I’m turning around, there is no parking lot, it was heavy.”
“Sorry.” He said with a smirky twirl of the stick and flapped the piece of paper my direction.

I went a little belligerent. I crumpled it and tossed it on the ground and told him he was not sorry and saying so was an insult to my intelligence although I understood it was probably a habit word from the bedroom at his home. Ok, the last part was mumbled.

I then said I didn’t have time for this shit or his stick waving in my face which is beyond un-ok and fuck me if that little ticket book didn’t re-appear.

“What now?”
“It’s still incorrectly parked .”
“You are totally from a tv show right? Where is the secret camera?”

He meant it and I called him a dick and went back inside to finish my vendor business. Very uncommon form for me but I don't like objects waved threateningly in my face unless it's from Mr. Morgan's pants.

In speaking to the computer gods, I found myself so distracted by asshole outside scribbling away like it was autograph time, that I’d talked to him for a good five minutes before I even looked up at his face. I was all but climbing his desk and peeking through blinds. He did not mind. Just wanted to know how he would be paid. I said I deserved a discount for the lack of a parking lot.

“Well you did park backwards…..”
“Is there a fucking echo in this city?”
“No he’s just very fast.”
“Discount!”
“We’ll see.”
“And I need a mournful photo with my machine.”

I had already told everyone at work I'd planned to tie myself to a tree or something if I didn't get a photo with my computer, and no one seemed to care, so I had to ask the Mega Mike the Machine Master for the hook up.

“What?”
“Photo” /camera slaps down “Mournful, you need to aim to get my most mournful look.”
“This is a first for me….”

I then looked at him and saw no less than 3 facial piercings, not shy ones at that, a neck tattoo and eyes that told me bullshit, if this was his first ANYTHING …. wow. To de-virginize that sort of thing is remarkable.

Look at the sadness. The grave look of a mother leaving a child at pre-school for the first time.

No I don't know what the fuck is with the cab collection back there but I've vowed to take one, if not two... depending on the bill.

-DM