Turtle Pancake
Turtle warning. It's not bad but if shallow of stomach - quit now. I can't guage what each of you think is gross, to me.... it's fine.
I don't back down much to a dare, unless it could kill me, so I delved into the Turtle Coffin to see what has become of them over these months. This is where they've been. With the pool chemicals, and the flat pool ball, some spray paint, because, well I don't know why half the shit we have in the garage is in there, including two dead turtles.
Don't think my ability to glove up at any moment is a lasting moment from my medical background, it's because I dye my hair all the time and scoff gloves..... yet save them. I didn't have a face mask, so used what Mr. Morgan calls an "eye pad."
I admit to trembling a bit, thus the shakey photos, I didn't know what I'd see and had ignored that box like a dirty secret for many months.
They just mummied up. Francis has caved in, and Tardy is still mid climb, head and foot out. Unbelievable. One hundred percent dead and STILL trying to flee my inept un-turtle-friendly house.
So there's the answer to that.
As for Jemima... who we now refer to as "stingy" below is the letter.
They were sorry I didn't enjoy my eggs, hash browns and sausage. So am I! Know why? Because it's not even what I fucking purchased, but they are letting Quality Control know all the same of my upset with something I didn't eat. The irony is enough to laugh me into bed tonight. I made it very easy for them by including the box, UPC code and a sample of my DNA. I have been form lettered! This is what my compensation is:
Here is your fucking sausage coupon. One. I suppose it's fair as I am just out one sausage and will with the proper purchase be up one sausage, but one voucher??? I took the time to write, express my love and support and I get one lousy voucher. Anyone want it? It's good for breakfast lunch or dinner, your choice of dissapointment. Don't be shy, for real, it's for grabs but I make no guarantees on it fullfilling it's package promise. Whoever takes it, if the meal lacks.... game on for round two of letters. Jemima should have written me herself and not sent someone who can't spare more than one voucher for my trouble. Plus, it was funny. Carol T. at Pinnacle Foods, you need to lighten up and let loose a little on those freebies, the god damned thing was $1.29, stiffing a few coupons only made you look like an asshole. You could have at least earned the postage it cost to write back by packing a few more in there. I wasn't even going to use them, now I will.
-DM
I don't back down much to a dare, unless it could kill me, so I delved into the Turtle Coffin to see what has become of them over these months. This is where they've been. With the pool chemicals, and the flat pool ball, some spray paint, because, well I don't know why half the shit we have in the garage is in there, including two dead turtles.
Don't think my ability to glove up at any moment is a lasting moment from my medical background, it's because I dye my hair all the time and scoff gloves..... yet save them. I didn't have a face mask, so used what Mr. Morgan calls an "eye pad."
I admit to trembling a bit, thus the shakey photos, I didn't know what I'd see and had ignored that box like a dirty secret for many months. 
They just mummied up. Francis has caved in, and Tardy is still mid climb, head and foot out. Unbelievable. One hundred percent dead and STILL trying to flee my inept un-turtle-friendly house. 
So there's the answer to that.As for Jemima... who we now refer to as "stingy" below is the letter.
They were sorry I didn't enjoy my eggs, hash browns and sausage. So am I! Know why? Because it's not even what I fucking purchased, but they are letting Quality Control know all the same of my upset with something I didn't eat. The irony is enough to laugh me into bed tonight. I made it very easy for them by including the box, UPC code and a sample of my DNA. I have been form lettered! This is what my compensation is:
Here is your fucking sausage coupon. One. I suppose it's fair as I am just out one sausage and will with the proper purchase be up one sausage, but one voucher??? I took the time to write, express my love and support and I get one lousy voucher. Anyone want it? It's good for breakfast lunch or dinner, your choice of dissapointment. Don't be shy, for real, it's for grabs but I make no guarantees on it fullfilling it's package promise. Whoever takes it, if the meal lacks.... game on for round two of letters. Jemima should have written me herself and not sent someone who can't spare more than one voucher for my trouble. Plus, it was funny. Carol T. at Pinnacle Foods, you need to lighten up and let loose a little on those freebies, the god damned thing was $1.29, stiffing a few coupons only made you look like an asshole. You could have at least earned the postage it cost to write back by packing a few more in there. I wasn't even going to use them, now I will.-DM
posted by DMorgan's Zoo at
5:17 PM
2 Comments:
Maybe quality control will send you something. Really, I should be able to get what you got without ever sacrificing a sausage. Just writing should be enough to warrant a coupon. But writing about one's loss indeed calls for more gifts. Asshats. It's not like Aunt Jemima is a cadaverous wench. She clearly knows the joy of a satisfying meal. She should know better.
Turtles seem to last a long time. What is next for the little buggers?
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