Black black heart you fucking grinch!

Mr. Morgan's identity has been stolen and they wiped out our entire bank account. Every last Christmas dime and cruise savings. It was substantial.

Not even enough left to buy a taco for supper, they took each and every cent and know enough personal information on Mr. Morgan to wreck the fuck out of his stellar credit.

You bet I've been crying over it, frantic over it and otherwise spitting the angry fire of someone who has been victim of fraud. Each emotion is taking turns.

I'm sure we will get it sorted out, but it will cost us money, and most likely not happen before the holiday, for which presents were bought, yet the funds had already been stolen so are probably not coming.

And Mr. Morgan's car was broken into in our driveway. He didn't feel it prudent to tell me. /beat. Or call the police. /beaty-beat-beat. I guess I need to explain the definition of communication, then ask why it didn't ever-so-happen-to-be-mentioned! I am calling the city police to request more patrol cars (I know.... who WANTS the police around right?) because I am sick to fuck of the vandilism and bullshit foolery going on in a nice neighborhood. I know your children are bored, I will buy them games to play once I get our money back if it will stop this shit because I am angry enough to risk getting injured if I catch one more bastard being illegal in my sight.

They stole Christmas! We had already pre-chosen to not get a single gift for eachother so we could squirrel for a cruise next year and they stole that too. I don't appreciate having my dreams ripped out from under me, no matter if it's how life goes sometimes. I don't go to my pain in the ass job to work for free! That's my blood money and I want it back! Now! Now! Now!

Mr. Morgan isn't too upset, or is hiding it, where I am flailing and livid and have no faith in the bank - even though he assured me they would return the money as it was their fuck up. Riiiiiight, anyone ever visited a bank? Ever seen how fast they serve customers and their deep fascination with the quality level of service? He is very high on drugs to think they care. We are good honest people, and I know that doesn't exclude us from the depravity of selfish theives, part of me wants to think it should exempt us from this crap, but I do know better, it's just deflating to shift from a happy, hopping mindset to the world we are in. I like my world much better. Plus there are talking frogs there.

Right. So bummer. We planned for a skinny holiday, so sorry to all who don't receive a gift, we didn't plan for anyone to moonlight as my husband. In this sense, imitation is not a form of flattery.

Oh, and I got pulled for Jury Duty... ya know, for fun because I'm the best pick to have yawning in a seat, unable to snap photos and entertain herself.

Merry Christmas you fucking sack.

-DM

Something......

Began the treacherous act of holiday shopping. What do you people want? Can't you just tell me? We are on a budget, like the rest of the world..... but spend a lot on us so we can turn a nice profit for ourselves by way of re-gifting. I did ok and have a list of names with checkmarks next to who I can write off until the day itself. I tried to be creative, shifty, underhanded and mean but Amazon offered me none of these things.

The people who I have no idea what they want, clearly need nothing. I'm vocal on what I want and lack, I encourage you all to do the same or someone else will be wearing that oversized fucked up robe you got on the next year. If I don't figure it out, you will get a McDonald's gift certificate, not just because it's to prove a point, but also because I think it's hilarious. Madly hilarious. I got them as a kid and was exicted, now I just think it's a fucking riot to palm a kid paper cheeseburgers.

Below is because I feel happy and sentimental, and it's a lovely video. So honest, so artistic and .... just, well I love seeing skips in time at the pinnacle of it all. To incorporate their real life into their music is a thing I miss with the change of years. I miss those boys and should be too young to care, but am not. That would be a slap in the face of movement and time piece, and I strive not to touch that.

-DM

Being Thankful-ish

I have a lot to cover today.

Below, yet again why I am being the biggest pain in the ass until a locking trash can is purchased. What can't be easily seen is the dog drool and cigarette buts that make our carpet extra pretty. They want food AND nicotine, suppose I would expect as much from my kids, but I do not appreciate walking into this after long work days. Next they'll just be drinking vodka from the water bowl.

Thanksgiving! Mr. Morgan and I had to split up to appease everyone, and my sister also arrived without a spouse so it was just us three girls, and a hiding step-father. Mother Morgan looked fan-fucking-tastic! She was happy, spry and this was the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I had told myself prior, that no matter how bad it was (as it has been over the last years) that I was going to have myself a good time. I was dropped off and had cab money to go home, since a blind bitch with cocktails in a metro is not something I was willing to risk. Couldn't be happier how good she looked and her mood was hopping. Gigglefest.

We got to cooking, and I had packed about 30 hats, not counting my own 3 costume changes. I came in with a suitcase of said hats and said "I'm moving back in" to find Mother Morgan fly out of the kitchen screaming "You are most certainly NOT!" Lol.... I leave lasting impressions I guess.


Here is mom thinking about the potato dish.


In shaving the potatos the garbage disposal gavea hefty "Hm... no." and backed up both sides of the sink. I told her it wasn't a good idea, but she insisted if I shoved them down piecemeal, all would be ok. /blink.

Pop was none too pleased to leave football to play plumber. Which he is not good at, but ladies.... you all know telling your man such gets you thrown out of the room. I was bounced out twice. In my opinion, when shit goes wrong... wouldn't you take the advice of the biggest fuck up in the house? I have broken just about everything I've ever come into contact with, and thus know the solution, which I told him exactly where to look, but he shooed me away. Two hours after I said "Get a hanger and swash the J-Tube under the sink" he did and boom it was fixed.

Not claiming that I know everything, but again, I stated my case and I know because I've fucked that up before myself, more than once.

We had set out for margaritas when the sink happened and as Pop's frustration grew he put it back in the freeze as mom and I felt it was a clear sign of punishment. Silent gigglefest watching him baffle.

We did get our drinks, but I watched a margarita mix go in, ice.... sure sure, then rum. What are you making? Mararitas they both chimed. /blink again. Ok shit, I'll drink anything but it NOT a margarita, it's a rum-artita. "You'll drink what you are given!" Ok, damn people.

Mom half through her rum-arita or I'd not have caught her on camera. She's much like a deer who knows it's being hunted and can dart off at the speed of light. I got lucky. And lol ... mom in adias wear.

We ate, it was nice. In carving the turkey a snag came up. Mother Morgan did not remove the inards bags. We couldn't stop laughing that she failed to do so and cooked this giant bird with plastic all up it's ass. She obstinantly said she didn't know to check the ass. We ALL know to check the ass, no matter what facet of life it pertains to. I check my ass, Simon's ass, anyone checking into jails ass is checked, there is no stopping the ass checks, she simply was making a weak excuse.

Here is our bird. I promise we didn't go canibal, it is in fact a turkey. This is before carving, so um... yeah. I think it ate itself in the oven.


I am now eating day two of thankful goodness, until my pie tray flopped upside down..... onto my hairbrush. Cool whip acts as an adhesive in case you didn't know. Mm. hair pie!

Nipper. She's getting old enough to stop her asshole-ness and not chew on me. She is kinda cute and mom is serverely attached to her.

Lastly, my Oncle had transplant surgery yesterday on a stroke of luck that we are still not settling with because the call came and within 12 hours it was happening. It's mind numbing, yet such an exciting relief. Put your thoughts with Acorn during this, we just lost our Great Grandmother and my grandmother (her mom) just had a bout being in ICU. Our family needs to get it's shit together and stay holding close. But for one day...... it was good.

That's what I am thankful for.

-DM

Project MRE

Before I begin this chapter - why is it that every man I've ever been with gets scared and says "be careful" when I go to shave my girly bits? Do I look like I'm heading towards the vagina with a hatchet? I've only shaved two full legs, two armpit and the region in between since I was 15, I think I'm qualified. It still never fails to make me wonder why it is so concernable to men who have never, and will never meet. I guess I look like a vagina suicide or something. Or they are simply concerned about their investment. Moving on.

Meals Ready to Eat, an in depth look at boredom, idiocy, or both.

I planned to do this for a while, but the Kitty Pig was depleted on Halloween. She’s recovered by the grace of my snatchy ways to fund projects that I should be paid to do as a simple experiment on how far a human will go to entertain itself.

I lined up the Kitty Pig’s givings in rows for a count on how many MRE’s it could afford. Honestly, the Kitty Pig could afford a full week, but 3 days on freeze dried food is really enough to prove a point, so three days it is. Why I chose to do this is curiosity, which oddly is trumping my food aversions. I very well may starve. I make no promises to eat these fucking things in entirety, but give my utmost vow that I shall try. Plus cutting the quantity to 3 allowed me to purchase a new hat.

In researching these meals, I have found that I am seriously more disturbed than previously thought in regards to food. That’s saying a lot. 1,300 calories per meal. PER? For real? I get pissy over 500 calories in one sitting (have to save most of my daily allotment for drinking after all, let’s not bullshit), but 1,300 each? Seems steep, unless I guess you are in the army or camping and actually moving your body parts for energy, neither of which are in my daily routine. I have three days of eating nothing but freeze-dried fun, and have journalized as I’ve gone.

I remind dear readers that it’s easy for me not to eat at all, but when told you can’t….. well that will throw a wrench into your shit fast.

Day One.
Fine. Ate a bite or two and couldn’t get the stench of that rice out of my nostrils short of cutting them off. The rice went into the mouth but came back out into the napkin promptly.

Day Two.
Hunger has set in. Mr. Morgan has done the weekly shopping and is gleefully chewing chips I covet, smacking his lips as he enjoys them and is all too eager to take a photo of me mourning my rations.

Day Three.
I’ve had it. Not only is this shit disgusting, it’s disgustingly expensive and I have become offended on every level. I am shaky, starving and prepared to cheat.

Day Three, part two.
I have cheated. And it was terrific. One meal to go and I get to spend a week retraining my bowels, and stomach, both of which are highly annoyed at the project and asking a lot of “whys” to which I have no answer.

Three Day MRE Footage Below. Right, if wondering about the bandage on my face, it was a vagina shave gone wrong, it acrobatted into the air and hit me in the face. Ok, I just had a massive (way too old for this) zit that I picked bloody.



-DM

For Ray

I'm often reserved to Mr. Morgan's best friend, I went to thinking tonight of his good qualities that don't involve me cleaning the piss stains around his toilet when they moved out of the place before Mr. Morgan shacked up with me.

He can seriously play the fuck out of a piano. Is taking lessons, but below is something he can do without hesitation and I do pause at that beauty. Not redeemed, never will for what he said to me at my wedding party.... but I appreciate talent, no matter if it's a jerk who owns that special ability. Talent is talent, he's god damned good and can play this without looking. Other songs too, but it's a favorite that I heard him belt. Yes, he does sing, but not in front of me. It's been five years Ray, let's just both acknowledge that we are stuck together in a Mr. Morgan Sandwitch. Not so hard, you are ok, but shouldn't have said what you did and an apology won't ever fix it, I expected his father to raise a brow, not you, he isn't yours anymore, so let's us move on. So five years, I'm starting to get over it, you were mean, but I am mean so it could be a wash. You have mad talent, and no access to my blog, thus ... this was for me.

I don't dislike Ray, I dislike his resentment that I married his friend, who is crazy happy. In the last few years he's come around and been quite nice to me, but I am a grudge carrier. A silent sneaky one. First impressions .... ack. That said, he is very talented and loyal to Mister, so... for whatever reason tonight... Go Ray.



-DM

Answer time!

Answering the posed ponders of yesterday......


For Bosslady's Daughter - who by the way, looked POW today, wubba lady! Older photo of my clingy adoration. I think she might be petting me? What the.... (pauses to add her name to the dog adoption list since petting is desired).


OK - You're stranded on a desert island. Describe and detail each of the following that would be there with you:

What CILF (Celebrity I'd Like To Fuck)? Clooney, he pulls off the scruffy look without effort.

What one tool? A lighter. If you smoke you realize this is very much a tool, and I want off this island! Ever seen a smoker missing a lighter? It can get very tense, very fast. So .. it's a tool. If lighter is ruled out, I would take one of those 50 in one tools. Some of everything in there, would cover it all. Lol, did you think I would do anything simple? Fuck no, it's technically ONE tool after all.

What one book? Anything by Stephen King, since I'm stranded... may as well have a long read.

What three songs (for your solar powered mp3)? Gnarls Barkley's Crazy (I remember when I lost my mind.... it was somewhere along knowing I was stranded). Feel Good Inc., because that is a beach strutting song (don't stop get it get it, and watch the way I navigate hahahahaha). And....I'm a Survivor? Lol....

What's the worst thing you ever did to a friend?

Ooo. Worst thing I've done to a friend or anyone... even family....Walking away. The ability to just stop all interaction on the drop of a dime and turning on a person for reasons that don't always deserve it, just hit that switch and I can get very cold and not care if it hurts or confuses the friend. So for that one, I don't have a specific example, I have simply dropped friendships instantly many times, and I am extremely harsh once that switch goes on. Not proud of it, and it's not a defense mechanism, it's logic that the relationship has run it's course, no need to pursue. As I thought how to answer this I thought of the people I have let slip away, or have pushed away, and I know I have done myself a great diservice by being someone who can, and will, just dissapear from your life. I imagine I've missed a great deal of memories and fond moments. I'm unforgiving as a friend, I expect a lot and offer much less. Not to say I am not a good pal, I just take friendships on my terms. It's not cool, no. I'm aware.

To my darling and beloved Miss Nev, who writes:

If you had anything in your life to do over again and change (perhaps changing who you are today) what would it be?

I am where I want to be so I wouldn't change BUT hypothetically....

I would have been born more wealthy. Does that count? If not, I'd have been born with genes that wouldn't have me crippling up.

Money wise, I always wanted to go to med school. That doesn't happen if you want to be happilly married.

Health wise, that doesn't happen short of having different parents, and I wouldn't trade my mother for anyone else. If I could pull a health do-over, I wish my hips weren't out at birth, lending me an interesting buffet of pain as I approach 30, and an array of worries for Mr. Morgan - will he be pushing my broken ass around far before it's time? I'd like to not have that concern, amongst other physical shit, but I am striving not to bring that up too much lately.

Do-overs scare me a bit, because like you noted, it would change who you are and where you are. Entertaining that thought means I would want to be something else, and honestly, as nervous as I am, as physically fucked as I am, as unable I am to remotely attempt mathmatics, and often not knowing where to find something on a map.... I adore being DM. Bold as it seems, who doesn't need a bit of DM in their diet?

Thank you both for the questions!

As an ending, here is Saffy on Halloween.... YOU ROCK!

-DM

Ask Me Anything

Q and A me. Seriously, nothing one can't ask. Hit it in comments or email me at dmorgan255@yahoo.com

I have a project coming but wouldn't mind some interaction ... hit me! No shys.

Because I'm an oldie whore who spins records... Enjoy Nights in White Satin... /swoon. It's beautiful. Take a moment. I do hope you all get the sentiment of this video, it's timeline and meaning. Odd how history repeats eh.


Gazing at people, some hand in hand
Just what I'm going through, they can't understand
Some try to tell me, thoughts they cannot defend,
Just what you want to be you will be in the end.

Yes I love you.



-DM

Meddling, In a good way I hope.

Today was one of those days where things are chill, then goes completely fucking nutty on you, like waking up with a super power.

Normal day, time to lock up, only two of us left and the other flags me down before leaving the parking lot.

"Did you just see that girl walk by, she's SO drunk."
"Shit, ok, hope she doesn't walk in front of my car."
"Yeah be careful."

By the time I rounded the corner, there she was walking exactly like the dead from a zombie movie, dragging a leg when not tripping over the other one, head wobbling and hands behaving in way that it seemed they were talking to eachother in an extremely tense argument, sign language style. We see drunks often since a casino is ehind our building but dayum she was TOE up!

As I passed she fell to the pavement, roughly, but seemed to be getting up so I drove on. Damn, forgot my smokes in the office and drove around the block to see she had since turned around back to the way she was heading. I watched as she approached the crosswalk with no hesitation at all, until she was halfway (staggering) across it, and chose to pause in the middle. I was certain she would be hit, our intersection is not forgiving. Once she made it across, and this was one hell of a wait she collapsed onto the sidewalk again, but seemed to slowly be getting up. I needed poppin-corn as I watched this. She fell into cars after getting up and was resting on them a lot.

Now, I am aware I am nosey and I won't lie and say I didn't consider getting footage. I admit to going so far as to having the purse open and camera in my palm, but something just wasn't right. Swung back around to where she was - zombies walk slow after all, pulled over and heard Mr. Morgan's voice in my head....

"Mind your own, she could be dangerous."

My brain replied - "A pinky finger nudge to the chest and she's down, I'm not scared."

It was way more than drunk, she was totally incoherant and crashing on ... I don't know what sort of drug, but it was not a simple drunk. Threw on my hazards and approached her "Miss? Are you ok?"

She fell into me and we both went to the sidewalk. Not having a cell phone, and absolutely no knowledge of drug overdose or how to address them short of screeching HELP, I was forced to the scream for help route.

Her mouth was sticky, eyes were rolling, hair plastered to her damp face, making tiny glutterous noises, and I can't say she smelled very pleasant.

People did come. It seemed like forever before they came but it was fast enough and someone called responsible people. I know it was nosey to interfere, but jesus.... I hope had you all seen this shit you might have too. That said, I wasn't staying to watch someone potentially die on the sidewalk next to my office, so I bolted once it seemed like enough help was there. I'm anti-death on Mondays.

Little surprised no one stopped her sooner, I know fuckers saw this woman, and I know we all wanted to get home or to wherever but fuck man.... anyone could see she wasn't getting anywhere but to a hospital. I do rather wish I could have gotten some video, but remind myself that while a stunning real live shot of why not to ingest baddies would have been interesting to share, brain declared video brain an asshole and we all decided that footage of a life struggle is a dick move when I know CPR or could at least her her off the road instead.

Frankly, the above sentence sounds major grand but I can't answer in honesty if I would have put my mouth on hers. So, I'm not so perfect, and fuck if I want that on my head if things went bad... who knows what the fuck was going on in her, and you can't perform CPR until a person codes, and while not in a remotely good shape, she was alive.

Well then, I've adventured enough today. Still reeling from it all. This is the second person trying to die on my work watch. Rembember the Mister who came in over a year back bleeding all over the place, that was interesting. I began to tell this story to Mr. Morgan who was annoyed that he'd just walked in from work, sorry, it's not often this happens and I'm a bit keyed up. He'll call Ray in a few minutes, since they've been apart for a half hour, to rehash their whole day when I have this crazy tale on my tongue to deaf ears.



-DM

Back Again... ready to eat

Let's us see what's new. I hit the shit out the casino on Friday, and admit to a fine strut as I left watching my husband holding the cash winnings. /gulp. Ebay payback is a bitch. Caught my hand in his wallet and said "what are you doing?" Lamely, I said I was searching for Jimmy Hoffa.

It's gone cold outside and someone came and stole my favorite hat, I refuse to think I lost it, so needed a replacement. Within the next week I am on a new project, it simply needs to ship, comment if you think you have a guess on what it is, except Moon, who knows what I'm up to, and yet hasn't given her opinion... just walked away with one of those looks. It's been a while since I did something stupid, so it's due. A hint is in the title.

Been working on the wall mural a bit, my hands really don't like it and I wonder if I'm making it worse by moving them, or is it therapy? Either way, I'm not stopping.

Photo from not too long ago, I am often treated to nice flowers and refuse to not appreciate them.

For those seeking a Monday Funny..... below.... I have seen better ventrils... but solid act and hilarious.



-DM

Missionaries.... or Russian slave labor

I have decided the Russian is going to repent for his bad shit (garbage eating, crotch licking and ass dragging) in the form of labor.

It's been a few years but I used to take him around the nursing home (one of the many on my resume) to make the people happy. Give them something to look forward to, who doesn't want one THESE on a lap?

I've got to update his shots and things, but that's easy. In talking to my mother I wondered about a resident and remembered my mom saying she was a pain in the ass. I got to thinking.... ya know, in a nursing home.... what else is there to do but pass the time any way you can. Their daily routine is anything but quality of life, so Simon and I think we'll stroll in time to time and throw a little smile into the monotony.

Plus, when I worked in those joints, there was never time for stories.... and older people, like anyone else, are chomping at the bit for someone to listen. Things you can learn are astonishing if you stop to ask, but healthcare is not set up to allow any personal interaction short of serving food, showering, dressing, sleeping, rinse repeat. It's the reality of it.

Holidays are so sad. The hopeful faces who get no visitors and wheel away. The generic gifts on Christmas donated while the receiver know good and well what it is and that whoever put them there couldn't be bothered to visit. Leaving it to the staff to try and fill those voids, and they simply don't have time. Bosslady's Daughter will understand, having just watching Sicko. I watched it first hand for almost a decade. The smallest bit of kindness goes far, and my Alter Boy has a lot of work to do before I forgive him.



-DM

Who done it?

Came home a few minutes early for the landlord representative, who I like a great deal, to winterize our swamp cooler. He’s the only one who may come in my house without finding me carrying the frying pan and phone looking itchy to 911 it at any moment. In the past I have shook that phone and twirled the pot in their sight in case someone felt jumpy.

He was early, and we walk in to find the dogs have had themselves a par-tay in the garbage. To the extent that we looked like squatters. I tried to blame the dogs and he was all “riiiiiight.” During his visit I continued to accuse the dogs and threaten to beat them and may have even offered him a whack at them if he’d had a bad day. Declined. When it’s your kid I suppose it’s different but haven’t you ever been around someone else’s kid and wanted to gleefully smack it into acceptable behavior? I await the offer.

This could be funny in retrospect, but still deciding. On vacation the dogs were no better. Halloween, as things got rolling, Simon had a full ass of hair shit, for fun, and Delilah was limping and wobbling like a stroke victim. We were already well into the booze and making a drive wasn’t ideal. She wibbled and wobbled and limped it up, but not yelping. I’m a selfish and cowardly fuck so walked away telling Mr. Morgan to deal with it, that I couldn’t look and didn’t she KNOW it was MY DAY????? We can’t fix you NOW, and we are way drunk!

We looked like the 3 stooges running about with our arms above our heads. Simon was Moe. I was Curly screaming woop woop and Mr. Morgan got to Larry by default.

Then we remembered we had bathed her the day before, and also remembered that Delilah fiercely objects water. Like me. Have to pin us and get the hose. She’d fallen twice in her struggle to get away, looking quite the fool as it went frankly, legs in directions we didn’t know could do that independently of each other. Once we remembered this tantrum.... we got mad.

We told her we hated her and called her a buzzkill. Both of us shaming the (right... DOG) for upsetting her parents

"Look at your father! Look at what you did! He's worried sick!"

She's not sorry, says it's what we get for touching her with liquid, and it was HER after all who fell and is suffering.

Other news, Jeff was very upset today. There are a few possibilities to why, but I do believe I am the catalyst to any one of them. Play nice Jeff, others will too, including myself if I remain gainfully employed. I rarely explain my day to Mr. Morgan, but suffice to say that in five minutes he said "If I hear fax machine one more time I'm going to shoot myself." Give ya an idea on the office theme this week?

For everyone who asked why Mr. Morgan wasn't in my video (below) well this is why.
"Everytime you get something that camera comes out."
"Ya. And?"
"Do I have to."
"No, but uh.... you sleep with your hand on your jock and I'll still have that same camera."


To my Army, a little Mika for you, and words of advice I could use lately. I need very much for your support and friendship, comments, and chilling me the fuck out even when you are too busy to. Kindreds are the spice of life, I require reminding now and then that the end of the world isn't always the end of the world.




-DM

Step Right Up

Halloween is over, so now it's time to sleep.... a .... lot.

Some of my props decided to give me a hard time and I had to go out and whack them throughout the evening to remind them of their respective jobs and return them to task.

I really enjoyed a few of the Treaters, and asked them inside for a photo = extra candy. Twizted showing up was a definite highlight and I think I freaked him out a bit by the excitement of recognizing him on my doorstep.

That said, enjoy the video, I'm just exhausted! Please comment, been working on this a long time.




-DM