My Name is Pelican

I am in PAIN! Since there have been no job bites, I thought why not have a garage sale. I spent days getting all my junk in order and a friend even donated some stuff to the cause. Mr. Morgan made fun of this effort, and it stirred some anger, because I'm trying at least to do something! Get rid of clutter and turn a coin, win-win situation right?

I got up at 5am and set things up, all by myself, hauling the living room furniture out because those are the only tables I own. After two hours in, not a SINGLE customer as I sat there stupidly with my change box.

Kylee then got loose because she's two minutes from going into heat and a male beagle was walking by. There is no reasoning with her and she is very powerful. She literally drug me accross the street, where I fell hard on the sidewalk. Very hard. I tried to get up and she pulled again, faceplanting me into a bunch of rocks. She got loose from her collar and took off. Bless my neighbors, they came out with a leash to harness her and help me in an obviously helpless state.
They bring her home and she tugs AGAIN so hard HE falls! Three stooges anyone????? I was so embarrassed! I'm still embarrassed. I can barely walk today and have many more fun wounds to hide on interviews. Hell I'm not certain something isnt broken, I can't hardly put any weight on that leg. Full weight went barrling down onto my right knee and what felt like 20 miles per hour. I'm waiting to see what color my jaw is going to turn after picking rocks out of it. Yes, she drug me so hard they stuck into my face!

After that I packed in my efforts and cried. Mr. Morgan gave me a bit of an "I told you it wouldn't work." then thought I was silly for crying. I'm not part of the Jackass crew, when a grown woman falls - twice, and can't control her pet least 3 neighbors come to help... you bet I cried. As of today she is shamed. Every time I see brown I associate it with pain.

I'm now baking muffins to take over there and thank them again. The man fell on my property for fucks sake, and fell as hard as I did. If I'm hurting this badly, god knows how much someone twice my age is faring today. I dont' bake, and I've never baked a blueberry muffin. Those blueberrys are some touchy little fuckers, they lice with even the lightest touch. EDIT - I took the muffins over and the gent was surprised and very grateful. Even remembered my name, perhaps for the lawsuit? Lol, it was the very very VERY least I could do and I wrapped them in a nice backet with a note of appreciation. This also is why I don't want to move, short of the Jeff's, my neighbors really step up, as do we. It's a lovely place to live.

In other news, Mr. Morgan has begun writing a book and is quite excited and passionate about it. I'm being very supportive and step in for him to read the newest chapter, without anything but positive energy. I fear he is not looking into the bigger picture that on every editors desk are thousands of other hopefuls. I wrote a book many years ago tha was/is very good, and I am being subjective, it's and amazing and very unique story, but the rat race to be published is painful and most times costly. Mr. Morgan is also very impulsive, we have a room full of guitars, and other things he swore would change his life that now collect dust. I can't deflate him though, everyone deserves a chance at achieving their goals and wishes.

-DM

Tardy - but here

Bummers abound. I've gone on 3 interviews after submitting over 30 applications (carefully logging them for my shrew of a case manager) and each have been a mess.

The second one - the Child Thingy was truly an exercise in how to suck. I left early and took the only road in the country that would hassle me by way of flagger. It is potentially the first incident of road rage from me in a decade.

I made it on time by a hair, but only after beating the shit out of an elevator button that didn't summon the elevator and romping up two flight of stairs, twisting my ankle as I galloped along.

Wounded Horse was greeted in the hallway and ushered into a room so vacant a whisper would echo. All that was in the room was one long table and two women behind it, pens and paper pads in hand. Fun!

Wobbled in, sweating like a wild animal - it's only 103 in Nevada that day? My glasses were slipping off my face and I may have grunted relief to sit down. Then came the questions! I was not as good this time.

"What do you think is most important to children."

It came out in a blurt of honesty.

"Food."

/scribble scribble.

Am I wrong? I never said shelter, security, socializing and toys weren't in the equation. Basic needs? Food. Particurlarly sticky ones from my experience.

No need to say more on that one. When you hear "We'll let you know later next week." you simply know you are being bullshitted.

Warp to this morning. I had a gig that I thought would be ok. When she phoned to set it up and asked if I could pass a drug test, I said "sure, the heroin should be out of my system by then." thinking I was funny and completely forgetting THIS:

Thanks Kylee! Totally didn't cross my mind that the joke and the potential track mark looking bruises might be incorrectly correlated. "suuuuuuure, puppy did that huh? whatcha breeding, a moose?" To some extent, yes.

Right, so ten minutes before I left I went to the kitchen where Mr. Morgan was fetching a soda pop for himself.

"Where is my purse?" exchange looks and both adults bolt in diferent directions. My treck was fruitless and I went to the backyard to hear "You are SO bad!"

Within five minutes this crazy bitch ate my identification, my camera, some perfume, then time stopped.

"Oh fuck." as I pointed to the empty pill bottle. It was followed by a much deeper tone of "Oh fuck."

Mr. Morgan calls the vet who says "like we know.... bring her in." Which he did as I took off to the worst interview of them all.

Kylee has gone from stealing ciggarettes (smoker!) to being found caught with a bottle of Corona (drunk!) and today, ten minutes before I left for an interview stole a purse (theif!) enjoying it's contents, including a bottle of antibiotics I keep on hand for the ever so sneaky UTI (pill popper!) Anything else?

Envy my life yet?

After papers and odd questions, I meet Rachel. She's super. She made it clear that I was not desirable without year round long sleeves, a turtleneck and a facial extraction. This, in Rachels world meant no one would hire me because of visible tattoos and my itty bitty nose stud.

I got pretty offended. Am I to laser them off? No, just cover them constantly. I asked her if she didn't think that was misleading. Seriously, honest question. Should I be hired under a pretense then poof... they appear? I'd prefer to be straight forward. If an employer has a policy of not liking that, then it's her job to find me a place that isn't uptight. My qualifications are not a reflection of a wrist tattoo and nose stud. Most people don't even notice my nose stud in fact. Never once have I heard a remark about it, but she just HAD to say that professional office people make the attempt to fit in and "put your best foot forward."

Pausing to laugh. First off, most of you know me, I haven't a best foot between them. Second of all I've only worked since I was 16, and I've never caught someone gazing at my wrist. I managed to work all the same. Thirdly, aren't you an employment agency? Are you seriously going to act like you are doing me a favor when I know exactly how much you are making off me going to work? So I thanked and got up. Many people, oddly, like me and probably haven't counted my tattoos.

-DM

ps - and thanks to those who threw me under the bus.

Lookin' for a nut!

The job hunt goes on. I have had a few bites, but it’s rather pathetic pickings. I applied for unemployment, something I never once in my life have done. They called former boss and actually was nudging her to say I’d done something bad like theft etc. She wouldn’t because uh… I didn’t steal? Ok fine, I took my pink pen with me. They really gave her a hard time and since are giving me a hard time. I’m not asking to sit home with Jerry Springer, I’m asking to eat and keep a roof over my head until the phone rings in my favor.

The poppin corn interview was … an exercise in how to interview. I know I did just fine but much like anything in my life, it’s either greeted with understanding, or a pitchfork. I was very honest and she expressed that her only concern was the commute. And that I smoke. Since when is that illegal? We'll see, but it's leaning towards no. Long drive and someone concerned that I smoke. In Nevada. Yeah. Lol I think people forget this isn't California and get very funny looks from me when they say silly shit about smoking.

It's been 6.5 years since I have gone on an interview, so, I'm pleased to say I was confident, great eye contact and very honest in what I can and cannot do. She even thought I was serious when I asked for free poppin’ corn on the way out. I’m always bummed when my humor is wasted.

I have a "phone meeting" with some jerkoff from the unemployment dept. on Thursday to discuss if I'm qualified for benefits. They sent me a Visa card that will have deposits made into it when I am approved. What ... the... fuck! I'm new to all this but it's really weird to me. How do I pay rent on debit? Very baffled but Mr. knew all about it. I'd rather have the check. To boot, the card is all obvious - like handing over food stamps, everyone KNOWS what you've got in your hand. I'm not shy, it's just a blaringly obvious observation.

Looking through want ads is painful. The names they assign to jobs are downright silly. Lets go through some and see what I came up with.

Document Destruction Manger – Shred shit!
Straightening Technician – (I actually had to look at this one) folds clothing, retail.

I could go on and on but the glorified titles are insane. Bosslady’s Daughter and I had a hoot about all the PC shit, people calling shoes footwear when they are just fucking SHOES! I don’t WEAR shoes, I OWN footwear. Get away from me or you might be wearing some foot.

Digressing. I uh, have an interview on Friday with a foster childrens’ organization. This came in as I was in (not kidding) tears of frustration for two of my local applications being returned. Not even self pity, absolutely ready to tear my hair out as both that came back had taken an hour each to complete.

Don’t say it. DM? Kids? Lock up the sports equipment! I don’t hate them, and remember I have paid for one little mexican child to eat and stay warm for the last… 5 years? Not much money, but beans and rice are cheap. That also said, I don’t necessarily like them. I think I do very well reasoning with a child who isn’t screaming, perhaps I have misrepresented myself all this time. I cannot, and who can, try to be rational with a tornado. There is no need in my opinion to soothe a brat. It can calm itself and we'll find a way to work things out. I have no problem watching silently as a child loses it's little mind. Life is hard after all. In the past when I've said I have no use for them, those were the attitudes I was referring to. Same thing with adult drunks, who wants to mess with someone young or old being a fool. Regain your senses and we can talk, meanwhile cry your face off, I'll watch and make sure you aren't in danger but I'm not fucking with you until things become reasonable. Ha, many would say same of me. So that’s that.

I will post again tomorrow, I don’t want to drown you all in one soggy entry.

-DM

-ps don't forget to google Kylee's Playground, she's getting so so big!

What's new!

Kylee and Simon are playing a new game. “How stupid will Mama look.”

I got my new glasses and went to the bathroom, armed with scissors and an agenda. I looked over after the initial whacking of three inches to see both heads perched in the doorway with extreme interest.

Says the Russian “She is gonna fuck up.” and gave a solid nod to the Muslim.
She replied “Huh?”
He gave an eyeball indication my way and she said “Oh, I understand you now, and I agree.”
The Russian said back “Huh?”

Language barriers abound in case de morgan. I hacked it off, about 4 inches worth…. Sounds weak but that is really a lot. I heard my hair scream “ahhhh!!” in glee that the weight was gone. I squinted for a minute because first off, I have NO hair. What is there to elate about? Shave me bald, weigh it and I doubt it clocks in at even half of a pound. I don’t even need to get old to go all short haired.

I let them watch and talk shit, I cut my own hair all the time because face it – is a good cut free? No, and my schedule especially lately doesn’t carry a “gratis…. because we like you!” banner. You’d be amazed what a curling iron can hide. I do know how to layer my hair, this came at the very cheap price of getting a former hair dresser drunk and asking the right shit at the right time, being “need a refill?” Bam boom and I can layer hair that would normally cost 50 bones. I remember thinking “you went to school for this? You grapple it and snip snap.” But there really is an art to it. Wrong, not art, technique. Sorry to any hairdressers reading. If I can do it at home, sweetie you blew a lot of money. And I don’t even use that flow-bot (as seen on TV) shit.

My camera is full on memory or I’d post a pic, soon for it though, it’s not special. Simply shorter and what I normally look like when not tardy.

In other news, I have an interview Monday!!!!! They sent me an email interview, saying that it’s how they best work. I thought, oh shit – want me to write instead of talk? Don’t make it all easy! These fingers are set to yap. Then they said they were looking for grammar and what nots. For real? Hm ok. Below is what I did to their email thingy and I was let know immediately that everyone was laughing. But does making someone laugh equate to being qualified? Either way I think I did very well. Cheers!!!

-DM

1. What does team player mean to you? Would you define yourself as a team player? Give an example why?

A team player is the one in the uniform. Joking aside, a team player has the ability to interact and excel in interpersonal relations. I define myself as a team player because I am very versitile and can jump in to help other departments as needed to complete a task.

1. Define “Customer Service Orientated”

Customer Service Oriented means fully understanding the needs of the client, being personable, approachable and setting the grounds for repeat business by remembering client names and making yourself rememberable as well by friendly efficient service.

1. Please describe your level of understanding of Word, Excel, and Outlook. Please give examples how you used each program.
   
   
   I am very proficient in Word, and have a good grasp on Excel regarding spreadsheets and formulas to calculate and create data for presentation. I have used Outlook and Outlook Express for the last six years, I am confident in both of those programs.
   
   
2. Describe your experience with UPS and/or FedEx in regards to shipping.
   
   My last position required shipping from both carriers. I used the internet shipping methods most often as the carriers themselves expressed that it was preferred and helped them in getting the deliveries completed in a more efficient manner.
   
   
3. What are some of the major freight carriers you have dealt with in the past?
   
   I do not think that I have dealt with major freight. I am unsure what the qualifications of major freight entails. I have coordinated and shipped large boxes, to small envelopes.
   
   
4. Please describe how you would respond to the following.

You negotiate a rate for a shipment of $1800, and ship the freight as scheduled. When the freight bill arrives it is billed at $2600. How will you deal with the freight carrier to resolve this billing issue?

I would have had proper documention, or contract, including the name of whom I negociated the price, and make a telephone call to resolve the discrepancy.

7. Please describe your inventory related experience.

I have been in charge of ordering office supplies, and coordination of needed materials for many years. I performed this task for normal business offices, and for a home health medical office.

7. Please describe your purchasing experience.
   

Visa! Once explained where the company purchases from and the protocal, I place orders as directed, allocating departments when necessary.

7. Would you like to be cross-trained to do many jobs or do you prefer just staying with the job for which you were hired?
   

I am very versitile and have a lot to bring to the table. I believe that pitching in where work is needed is what should be done to run a well oiled machine.

7. Have you ever refused or felt offended when asked to perform job duties outside of your defined job description?
   

Well, I've never been asked to scrub a toilet, short of that I would say that no (laughing) I don't mind at all. Diversity is great.

7. Are you able to communicate openly with your supervisor or manager? This means do you have the ability to bring work issues to the table before they are allowed to fester. Please elaborate.
   
   I would like to think my supervisor would be an approachable person. With a good repore I see no reason that job complications or issues would need to be kept in the closet. I am assertive, however this question is really dependant upon the work environment. During times of stress I can understand that temperments may fluctuate, but I do strive for a position where I feel that I can speak freely to alleviate the issue at hand. I am able to leave things at the door and not take a stressful day personally. All work together right?
   
8. How do you deal with difficult customers? Please give an example.
   
   I would troubleshoot their concern and work with it from there. Each customer will be different. I am very good with customers and often make them laugh, which helps to bring the situation to a reasonable level of discussion and solving their issue.
   
   
9. How do you deal with difficult co-workers? Please give an example.
   

Frankly, I am at a job to work. I love to play about and socialize with my co-workers, however if there is a member of the staff particularly troublesome to me, I would have to find a way to co-exist and focus on the work that needs done. Everyone has bad days, I remind myself of that.

7. Do you feel it is important to enjoy your job? Why?

Do I ever! The definition of work itself implies an obligation to allow bills to be paid, mortages on time, all of the things that most people frown at. You often hear "I have to go to work." Instead of "I get to go to work!"

I would love to be one of the people who truly enjoy what they do. Your advertisement was titled "Do you like PopCorn?" and I admit my eye froze as I thought, "well yes, yes I do!"

7. Where do you see yourself in five years? Describe your career goals.
   
   As stated above, I would like to be involved in a fun environment where I am contributing my skills in a positive productive way.
   
   
8. Why did you leave your most recent job, or why are you planning on leaving?
   
   I was let go because of job cutbacks. Fun fun economy. Nothing negative about my departure.
   
   
9. Some aspects of this job require physical labor. Are you able to lift up to 50lbs? Do you have any disabilities, which may limit your ability to perform the job for which you are applying?
   
   I have no disabilties. As for lifting 50 pounds (stares at string bean arms) I imagine that I could but an audible grunt may be heard. I did lift patients often when I worked in healthcare, so I am trained in proper lifting technique, but much more than that I cannot say I am capable of.
   


10. Legal right to work in the US ?
    
    Born and raised! Yes.
    
    
11. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? If yes, please explain.
    
    Clean and clear.
    
12. Odell’s is a drug free environment. Would you consent to drug testing?
    
    Certainly.
    
13. Please provide at least three verifiable references (at least one from a previous employer).
    Not your biz! ( to readers, not to the employer)
    
    
14. How soon are you available to start?
    
    August 11, 2008, or sooner if needed and we are a good match.
    
    
15. In your own words, describe the position for which you are applying. (Please feel free to add any additional relevant experience, not list on your resume, you feel would be an asset to this position.
    

I am applying for a position that dragged my eye by the explanation of the environment. I do have questions to be sure we would both fill the needs of eachother, but my understanding is this position handles inventory, ordering, shipping, negotiation, interpersonal skills and anything else asked of me. I feel I'm qualified and hope you do as well. As for additional skills, did you read that I can perform a perfect sumersault? I threw that in as a comical bonus, you are more than free to make me prove it, but I hope I wouldn't be wearing a skirt, ack!

Thank you,

-DM

Release: Blind Bat Gets Sight

Will have glasses in 3- 5 days. It went very well. When I made the appointment, I did so with the place I last attended because they had my former insurance information and I am hoping I can float by and deal with the outstanding charges later.

The appointment was with who I thought was the doctor I got into a fight with 3 years ago. Completely different story, all I know is he wanted to hassle me, so I hassled him back. Ok I know more than that but ... later for it.

The man walked in and I blurted with a wide grin, “you have hair!” He smiled and replied that in fact he did have hair that he was rather pleased with. It was not the same man, I was wrong!! This man was nice, and accepted my jokes with great enthusiasm. He also gave me a very entertaining, and thank god SHORT exam. We made it clear from the get go that I’d done this before and so had he, the lack of formalities sped shit along nicely.

"Are you comfortable?"
"As comfortable as one gets with their chin on a plate and forehead against something that might trap me."
"I completely understand." as he giggled into checking the damage. (Do understand I 100% talk this way. It's not fluffed for writing purposes.)

He proudly announced that my eye bones are great! I have scarring to my left cornea, which … duh? I am well aware of, but he is putting some anti-refraction junk into the lens for me and he swears it’s going to make a huge difference, otherwise my eye bones are perfect in every way. I told him I loved him. He said he loved me too and we skipped hand in hand to the frame selection portion of my visit. Before we parted he said that my happy noises made his day. I thought to wonder how grumpy his oher patients were. Tell me that my eyes are fixable and yes I will express a noise that I cannot articulate. Suffice, it's a very gleeful sound.

The assistant came over and asked what sort of frame I was into.

“Nerdy.” I had to point to a sample pair so she could understand. “Think librarian and condescending.”
“Let’s see……”

While I hate glasses, when I wear them I require a pair of frames that ride low enough on my nose that I can gaze up and portray the full effect of being annoyed for interruption, my right eyebrow raised as if to say "yes?". I found a pair I was cool with and she made an audible snort.

“What? Do they look bad to you?”
“Not if you like Ralph Lauren.” And walked off to click up my bill.

/pause. I didn’t pick them by name! Then I thought to say, heeeeeey fuck you, maybe I DO like him…. I think? Ralph who? Lol. All I knew at the time that I grabbed them was that out of all of the options, they fit my face the best. I guess my face has a designer price on it. Nothing we can afford, but we are going to. Remember Mr. Morgan is the one who forced me to go. I wasn’t keen to the fact that Mr. Lauren was into eyewear, go figure. At any matter they are purple, nerdy as fuck and almost paid for, even if the assistant thinks I’m a silly bitch for choosing something she found impractical.

Being that I have to wear them, and her choice being something that felt heavy as an anvil on my head, she needed to hush up and do her portion of the transaction. Her choice had my head hanging towards my boobs, and my wobbly neck was having none of it. My fingers wiggled in a dismissing way to express this. I’ll post photos of my blind shame of having to wear corrections once I get them. So help me god if Kylee so much as looks at them.

-DM

Things to do!

First off..... what the fuck is THIS? No it's not shopped. Washed up on shore and people are calling it anything from turtle-sans-shell, to pit bull, and lastly Oh my fucking god!

In other news I have been applying for any and all jobs that I'm qualified for. I am a bit baffled that a credit check is required for some jobs. Really? Why? If anyone can shed light on that, I'd be interested, but I think it's bullshit to make an applicant pay to know they already have shit credit when it's completely irrelevent to the endeavor. Background check, fair enough, I'm not a criminal and am clean and clear of anything frown-able. But my credit? Odd.

Mr. Morgan has given me direct instructions to see an eye doctor tomorrow, as being blind no longer will suit my driving schedule. I grumbled and said I'd go, but unless on the road, I'm not wearing them. I hate shit on my face but also cannot ever imagine wearing contacts again after this:And this. Boy was it ever fun!

I am entirely grateful to look normal after that whole thing, even if my sight is permanently fucked. Hopefully at my appointment they'll let me know if my cornea is cool, either way, nothing goes into my eye again except an accidental insect with poor flying ability.

After that, I get a pap smear. Gotta love a Monday. There are a lot of job bites out there, more than I thought and I would be personally offended if I didn't get a few calls tomorrow or in the early part of the week. If not, would you like fries with that?

-DM

Crazy Game of Poker

So uh…. I was fired. 6 years, shit I’d have taken the phone call instead of getting up and making the effort to get ready and open up the office the usual 30 minutes earlier than required.. But wait, I don’t have a phone. Since I no longer have a job, Kylee now HAS to get one to replace what she destroyed so that I can return any prospective calls.

It’s been an interesting day and all I can say is that I feel like garbage. I tried to nap, couldn’t. So I cleaned (all this obviously after going to the unemployment and job hunt with instant fervor) the house and have pretty much made myself physically ill. I have never been fired, my emotions are bouncing like a good game of ping-pong.

The initial response, oh fuck you! 6 years I have worked hard and ya know what? People don’t LIKE YOU! Guess who buffered that shit and never said a word about the nasty words said to me about you? Who covered for you and defended you? My former boss was bad mouthed QUITE often to me because I’m actually approachable, and I mean QUITE often. Did I mention QUITE? People liked me, she didn’t and I hope they get very honest with her, I’m clearly not in the house to tell them to sack off anymore. My point is, that and SO many other things were not recognized. I don’t have a dire need to say “by the way I did this” on any given day. I never told her the shit talk said about her, because I don't suck and even if she did it was still my job to give reasons why she may have been a crotch.

Anyhow, I’m loose.

I will say I left with dignity, mostly. My hands were trembling as I gave back the keys, my mouth snapping shut when she asked “Is that all of your things?” after a mere five minutes of collecting 6 years of being settled into a work station. On my tongue were all of the words I wanted to give her for how many times she threw tantrums or actual objects. Throwing a shoe at me a few weeks ago really was not ok, but I showed up the next day to be as inefficient as ever. I’ve had most of the day to chill my brain and I am ok, just need someone with money to take me into the fold, it’s not like I have nothing to offer….. I guess she just didn’t think so. Good luck on the website and newsletter for starters. The other intricate things she never knew I did, it just went through like and oiled machine. Have fun. See if whoever she has planned gets it done in two hours.

I’m trying to be positive and think that a new start, good environment, safe, friendly, will help me drop the negative mood I’ve held for especially the last year. I’d been unhappy and all have known this. I feel slighted because she is very wrong that I didn’t work or pull my weight. I pulled mine and pitched in too many times to other departments, and I never minded. You work where work needs working.

To end, it was a mistake to make me leave, although calculated, and probably because I screamed at her in retort to her being …. Her. Those not related to her won’t readily understand, but she did, DID DID treat me poorly and spoke to me with displaced anger very often. So one says to self… Ooooookay? But it does hit a boiling point, and my boss was not able to take the criticism. This is why I was fired. I have logs of how hard I worked and I wish I’d sat on my ass if I thought it wasn’t something we could repair and move forward on. She refused to even look at my logs, what a waste of time when she had her mind made up so long before. I’m not bitter anymore, still a bit annoyed, but hello to life.

Anyone hiring with a pole? Whatever the case, the last 6 years were a Crazy Game of Poker, best to all. I’m not done writing this all the time, so comment me up…. New adventures. (great song, listen up! Revolution!)

-DM