I give up! There are more of you I wanted to give a shout out to, no worries.... I'll get around to it.
Here is the Morgan 2008 Christmas Video, likely to get me in trouble (snore....) It's SO not my fault that I busted the one in denial. No one cares, just sack up to the truth lol, and maybe he will. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, I'll post more details once things settle down. Until then be safe on the roads, and if you wanna drink, come to my house. Not empty handed. /grin.
I think you are everything rolled into one and I wouldn't want you any other way too. I do believe I found your theme music, not just the chorus either! Rock your song baby!
For the sake of hurt feelings, fine. In the future I WILL post and write anything I want and feel. Truth isn't always kind and it was not a slam, it was a clear observation I hope in time will be recognized.
For the record.... I speak personally to all of my dedications. Thus the definition of the word. Can go ahead and scroll if don't believe me. I can insert the video of Struck a Nerve if that's more fitting. Chill.
I understand I'm a horrid pain in the ass. Here is your song, it says it all, and you play your part plenty in our fights but I know how extremely impatient I am, and almost all the time that is all it is.
You are my very breath and I have to chase to catch it every time I see you.
Ever wonder what happens when your bladder wont comply with medicine? Don't wonder, I'll tell you. I found myself staring into the freezer tonight mad as hell that there was a solo Eggo left. Who wants ONE fucking eggo? I scorned it and seriously got mad at it, dismissing it altogether. One is better than nothing right? No. When I suffer, so must ALL Eggos! I can't even try to explain the dirty look I gave the thing for being alone, and I did it for more than five minutes, then sulked off only to return 3 more times to be certain that another Eggo wasn't just hiding. Alas I have resorted to being angry at frozen bread products.
Mr. Morgan's Christmas party was luke warm, low attended and we left before the main course was served because he was confident that if a plate of food was set before him, a solid barf would kick off the evening to entice the appetites of the other diners. I didn't even use my second drink token as, remember, my head is full of antibiotic fun and it was seriously possible to seem like I rolled in with one leg already full of booze, when that is simply not the case. Unfortunately..... lol. I had a meager glass of chardonnay and sat by myself in an almost empty room for most of the time we were there. I'm used to being left and how every now and then someone will see me looking pathetic and gravitate my way out of kindness to say hello. When left sitting by self, thinking about really odd subjects - like say, how shrimp mate (it was the appetizer) - when someone approaches it's like a cheetah leaping onto a gazelle. Overly wide grin and demeanor, happy as fuck to have some interaction that wasn't with a dead piece of seafood. Almost everyone he works with knows me, some simply by sight. They know I am Mr. Morgan wife, but what was her name? I blink at that. Who forgets one of the most common names in the world???? Not entirely their fault, Mr. Morgan does introduce me as "this is my wife" and I hence have to let them know I have a name and what it was assigned to me as being.
So for today's dedication..... here's to one Christmas activity down!
To couteract being a crotchface, I offer this because damn if I don't need a holiday smile.
I'm not saying a complimentary hit-on at my age isn't appreciated, and I know when I manage to roll out of the house looking proper hot, but think about your cheap beer comsumption before my husband beats the living shit out of you for getting way too close to the vagine he vowed for himself. Thank you for taking the time to let me know I'm cute, but you were one blink from using one eye to size me up, and your breath offended my cigarette. I know I'm cute, but no thanks means NO THANKS. That one squinty eye could have been sealed shut very fast if you hadn't shut your mouth, I know I wouldnt want to see Mr. Morgan behind me looking ....curious at a situation. No touchy, no leany.
To my BLD - don't you dare go cold on me. My Christmas dedication to you is happiness, and I really do think you are on the right path, whichever ones you choose to travel. My heart would be crushed to think that you stopped being the incredible person you are, you are too precious to too many people to risk adding one more jerk to the populous, your friends and family would do anything for you, I personally would take a sideswipe from a moving car. Come home and stay home. "You hold the key" I love you.
I did post below ealier today, so don't miss it below this entry. Thus begins the 12 days of dedications. It's been a while since I sang to you guys. In NO particular order, our lovely MissNev comes in at number 12 with something that smacks so much of her. Sweetie, I've never even met you in person and I sizzle.... you're awesome.
Right, so I have a lovely Ho-ho-HOLY SHIT- Holiday bladder infection. Santa came early! Having no insurance and being late on my pap smear presented a precocious situation. Was I really going to call my gyno’s office and beg? YES! I threw every card I had at the nurse, including but not limited to: being unemployed, uninsured, in pain, no heat, no water, hungry, tired from feeding the homeless all day, and it’s Christmas!!!!!
A bit over the top, but I got my way and am gobbling pee pills with an astonishing glee. Nothing like going to party’s and family events while harboring a groin pain that makes you wish you had a catheter and a bag strapped to your leg softly singing Christmas Carols as it collects your nasty angry urine.
My last bits of present arrive today, except for the socks I need to buy for Mr. Morgan – I caught another pair making a break for it this morning and Kylee swooped in to capture it. I heard it cry and beg for mercy. Like myself earlier that day, it also screamed “But it’s Christmas!” I almost let it keep running.
I still have a black eye and my lips have gone dry enough to split open. I swear I look like a hooker. And that I smoke to the equation and it's all but firmed up in many people's minds that indeed.... I am.
Things are gearing up and about to get very busy around here, I guess that’s ok. My mother and sister are kinda bickering, and everyone else I know is too. Everyone is pissy and I CAN’T piss….. Irony.
I have been asked by quite a few blog followers how the supper with my step mother in law went. Let’s say it was NOT a supper. I saw food, smelled food but ate very little as did my sister.
In fact Prada sat twiddling a chip for quite a while seeing things brew to the level that I hate, where I am visibly shaking my whole body because I’m so upset. Let’s just say I saw red, and I don’t mean my eye. I was completely calm and stated what I had to say – and I know I did it with grace. I’m not going to get specific, but my readers are either current or formers addicts…. or they know several. Suffice to say it’s bullshit to not be blatantly obvious in addict behavior and not called on it., even if she felt I judged her, no I didn’t and still don’t. Convincing that is beyond my level of attempt, it’s a fact. Her daughter is a recovering addict, and I drink… so it’s folly to pretend we don’t see the lying, the bullshitting and the otherwise defensive behavior. Not entirely sure you even need to be an addict to have seen that and raised a brow. I know I was able to drive to the meeting place sober and order ice tea. Did I want wine? I could have chewed into the cork like a fucking rabbit to not be there and drown it out. I somehow managed. Novel idea.
Life Is NOT easy or a walk in sunshine. What annoys me about drama, in this particular case is how short sighted it is. How hard is it to think outside yourself? And how much does she or others know about me? Prada can likely predict my favorite color and know which muppet I like the best. (btw it’s Beeker. Meeep!)
Otherwise…. Could my step MIL say how my last marriage ended? My education? My interests? I can sum it up easily since I know she reads. My exhusband blew 30k of my money and beat the living shit out of me and said he’d kill each of mydogs if I left. The dogs and I slept in a tiny fucking metro for days while I interviewed for work, nursing broken ribs. They ate when I didn’t before I could get him out of the house – which involved police and further physical damage. So her bite of humble pie is not inpressive to me, bummer yes, but nothing that anyone else doesn’t have a story about. I’ve never even gone into detail with Mr. Morgan about it, it’s well in the past. See how easy it is to not be selfish?
I don’t even care to talk about my education or interests. If it was curious, I’d have been asked.
That said – . The supper. She upset me pretty much instantly and all I did was repeat how I feel. She behaves poorly and needs to not do so because it hurts my husband. I also believe she has Munchousen by Proxy, and that went over … not well. So did being told narcissistic. My voice didn’t raise. I wouldn’t like being told that junk either (and I wasn’t alone there). I said I didn’t want her to watch my dogs again because she falls asleep a lot – during suppers no less – and that if she fell like before, my tiny elderly Russian could have been under her. And I don’t take kindly to my husband coming home crying. She asked what to do to fix it….. and I said be nice. Wasn’t a trick statement. People will forgive you if you stop being a pain in the ass.
Then she got so riled that she went pointy. Everything she said came with a finger. And then….. it… happened….. she asked something I started to reply and this woman put a finger way to close to my face and yelled SHUT UP.
Everyone gasped and leaned back saying WHOA! I’m not a mean person but I do happen to understand that putting a hand in a persons’ face will get you bit. Hard. Also don’t tell other people to shut up because 9 out of ten…… that’s not gonna get them to do so. What might work is “excuse me I was still speaking” and I’d have said sorry. Waggle your finger at me like a dog and scream a command, prolly not going to illicit a nice reply. It didn’t. I almost called my mother to come whack her in the forehead like she would have us kids for being so rude. “Mom…. Mom…. Yeah I get it … ok enough about the pot roast – this woman just put her hand in my face and told me to shut up.” Vrrooooooooom. I seriously about launched across the table, that it’s not in me to get slappy but hushing me like that will get you slapped so hard fingerprints will linger on gums. Biggest thing NOT ok to me and she threw it. Don’t push the nice people, they will eventually lose it and embarrass a bitch, who did it on her own. Lucky for Mr. , he is what saved me from potentially going to jail. Gonna tell me to shut up and finger wag? She must have lost her damned mind, that is not ok not only to me or anyone!
I collected myself and short after she made a GRAND exit, hovering over me at the table asking why I never said anything before. And I replied with my usual honesty, that it’s not my job to correct the behavior of a grown woman. That I know I am little and seem meek, but it’s a facet of having social manners. Because I haven’t freaked out doesn’t mean I do not know how. It’s totally true and a shortcoming of mine – I let people get away with shit because I shouldn’t have to say “dude, you are being as asshole” Guess I do have to say it.
So she made a low class dig on me and marched out. Classy. Throwing anything I write in my face is tacky, and that is what she did before marching out.... defeated. It was laughable but... very very tacky and looked stupid. I mean seriously.... I'm THAT interesting? That's all you got? Shit man, print it out, make a fucking diary of my entries and enjoy, but if that's all the ammo coming to the table when I wasn't being a jerk.... definitely proves a person's true colors. I’m at shrug level. I will have a great holiday no matter what lies and bullshit. All I know is Mr. Morgan and else do not need to be upset and no one gives a fuck anymore to let it go that way. That’s kinda all I can think on it. She’s not herseslf but maybe will be again someday. Until then ….. no hands in my face or insults, I bite on many levels. Sucks not to hear what you wanna but I’m not a kid or a dog, so don’t behave like I am. Not hard. If you don’t be a dick and you wont have to hear that you are being one. Not a hard equation.
It’s over in my opinion, she’s not remotely on my radar. Best to just ignore me and stop talking shit. I’m a good bean and I don’t WANT to flash back again. Not a goal whatsoever. Oh did I say Merry Christmas guys? I meant to…..
So here’s…. what I have to say – and step MIL – LISTEN to the words……. I do wish you well, right now you are simply toxic and I am unable to help you. Same time, don’t think remotely that I’m going anywhere in this family or from Mr. Morgan, let’s not do that k, I think I was underestimated and I'm sorry I had to get honest, but do understand I will bring a crazy war against anything or one, who gets into my marriage, I love him too much to see a selfish person not in their normal mindset upset our life. Just behave and everyone will let you get by, like always. I'm a very nice person... wake up and try. And pet the Pheobe bird. I'm not false like you think, drop the jaded attitude. Who let Cody wipe a crazy tumored eye all over her pants and hand? ME! And I didn't flinch. You know that you are unfairly judging my character and thats fine, I dont care. Many people lovvvvvves them some DM! Oh almost forgot - don't read my blog (anyone!) if it's gonna upset you. Another easy solution. Trolling for anger, is ... creepy.
Do you know what happens when you talk shit about the welfare office being germy? Think about it, I can wait. Give up? What happens is germs will hop on you with a mad spiteful vengence.
When the germs alone aren't enough to beat the spunk out of you, they send in reinforcements that act on your every fault. How they get the information, I don't know. In my particular case it's very easy. Watch me for two seconds and "bitch can't walk.... get her." Because I didn't get sick promptly (we're still deciding on that), and because my fever blister didn't go full blown herpe level, oozing onto strangers and bleeding should I dare try to smile, the germs got tricky and threw a dog in my path. They saw my weakness and pounced with the eagerness of a starving pack of coyotes.
Falling is never graceful and generally ends with a very surprised fallee. I'm so god damned used to it all I can do is hope to fuck that wherever I'm falling towards is just ground. Nope.
I fell into my house. Ya.
Right into it like it was moving or something and I had a chance. Puppy leash snaked around my ankle and I flew face first into the side of my residence with a resounding thud. Mr. Morgan was behind me as I did all the normal shit people who fall do - blame the pavement, blame the dog, faulty shoes and a passing UFO that distracted me.
Bringing me to my lovely point. I have an interview on Monday and I'm already developing a very nasty black eye, head welt the size of a golf ball, potentially sick with a cold, and hosting a fever blister. Word to the wise.... don't talk shit about the welfare office, it WILL smite you. I have no idea how I can possibly look human in less than 72 hours.
Precurser to the carnage, and the culprit:
Mr. Morgan say... it doesn't look bad, can't hardly see it.
....... really?
And yeah, those are my eyelashes, not fake but many people think so. Avon baby... avon.
No matter how fantastic I look - and I can pull off fantastic with some effort - I go on these interviews only to feel that much more out of my element. Where am I, and why the fuck don't I flee?
I'm sure those who orchestrated my lack of shell find it entertaining, but let me just say I never deserved to be stripped of my shell and thrown to the wolves. Whatever motivates a shell taker, all I can do is squint and be embarrassed that I didn't see my shell for sale around... let's say August 1st. I know why I am unemployed, and it's not about ME, no matter the bullshit being said, it's not true. No one is employed for almost 7 years then suddenly sucks ass at their job, just to have the best friend of a co-worker I took to be my friend replace me. Gosh, what a coincidence. I am a good turtle and it's underhandedly selfish, wasn't even given a chance ... but alas it's moot. Be happy shell theif, you got what you wanted and I'm suffering for no fucking reason. I'm not fucking stupid, I know what happened, but thanks for thinking so and playing chess proper. But... did I really deserve that? I know when birdies speak in ears..... and I hope it's a fruitful Christmas. In case shell taker was curious, I saw a coat at Walmart (stampede city) that I wanted so badly because I get cold easy and it was Soooooo purdy. I couldn't afford it. I hope that sits on a conscience.
My shell-less-ness has led me into a good deal of hopeful ... are they really opportunities? My last interview was with a welfare office and I wasn't sure if I should fill out their paperwork for assistance, or wait for the interview. Everyone coming in or out was hacking a lung and I got very .... iffy. Even those who were picking their meth scabs as they waited were coughing and bouncing a toddler with snot running down it's face. Contamination central, I was in ground zero and wanted out faster than GW is ready to hit a button. Each interview I go on is different and somehow surprising.
This one has two people on a conference call for a round table way of asking me things I wasn't prepared for. "What's the square root of 590685609876?"
Easy. 6? I mean come on! What the hell kind of questions are these? Thank god I brought water with me as my throat was slamming shut with the odd examination.
"What do you think a Missing Data Clerk job entails?" "Getting the missing data?" /while I wonder if I passed or failed the question. "Why should we hire you?"
I had to pause an calculate a lie. Luckilly I'd already been blushing so it hid the typical give-away of my attempting a falsehood. I wanted to say "Because I really need a paycheck, but I'm totally freaked out about the cubicles and how everyone here is whispering - when not coughing, and I'm entirely keen on punching the clock for a potty break."
Instead, I said "Because I'm extremely qualified, personable (and trusting obviously to a fucking FAULT!) and can bring a lot to the table. Plus I am learning spanish quite swiftly."
I heard and audible happy noise from someone's throat. Then asked how often I was out sick. Not much at all IF at all really in a couple years, I've dodged the bullet - as I sat let's remember, in infestation. I think I said so about that.
I have never felt so naked in forcing a smile that is over-written by the natural "seriously? wow!" expression that comes when I don't consciously correct it. Are these people for real? Yes, yes they are. It's hard to remember how entirely torturous trying to get a job is. I have left in tears so many times, wondering why I have to all but sell my ass. I'm a terrible salesperson, do you want it or not?
I have two bites who want me and one even had me sign a nepotism aggrement then asked if I understood it during my teleconfrence. I all but choked on my water, and said that not only could I spell it, but I could easilly define it. I'm to hear back later this week. For viewing pleasure, from my favorite movie of ALL time!
