Taking one for the team

Well shit.

Unconventional by and large, but I highly take interest in anyone who begins a conversation in that fashion. It implies a intrigue, unless a visible weapon is involved. If that is the circumstance, you'll find yourself parroting right back. "Well shit indeed, this is not fitting to be my fucking day." The latter portion being the upgrade to the former. A supersized "Well shit" if you will.

Luckilly, I'm unarmed so mine is more of the sigh version. I have a lot on my mind, some of it worth mentioning and some only worth a simple "huh?" The supersized verion of a sighed "huh?" is What the fuck, or as my neice says "Fucking hell!" Feel free to pass this knowledge along and apply as necessary. The Morgans are quite dilligent in making sure our children have the proper vocabulary for the Harvard entrance exams.

Mr. Morgan and I were treated by my parents to a Basque eatery this last weekend. I'm still not entirely in the know of what Basque eating means, but I'm guessing it's that you get a bunch of shit. And that's pretty much what I got for a really unfair price. But I was adventurous and tasted things I never should have, and never will again.

There were heads adorned all over the walls, big heads - nothing shy like say.... a deer caught on a bad day. No, there were moose, buffalo, absolutely no timid creatures to dangle over my tray as I ate odd food.

They served me Tongue Soup. Seriously. On purpose. I had not asked for a bowl of giant tongue chunks swimming it what I presumed to be it's own saliva. Who says "oh you just HAVE to try the tongue!" In being a good sport I tried the tongue and the second it hit my own Mr. Morgan couldn't resist chortling a remark about it tasting me back. I did not throw up. Yet.

My pop ordered chops of lamb. Again, on purpose. I really do try not to stare at people with those DM "for real? oh don't do that!" eye bones of mine when food is selected. It's not polite but very hard for me to curtail. It's not a scowl, just .... lol guess you'd have to know me in person because it's very obvious that I'm questioning judgement, rather like "well if that's what you have to do, ok." This is what came:

30 bucks. For that. Sad part is it IS a good eatery (everything is an eatery to me, "fine dining" is not a word I perform), and everyone seemed quite pleased with the dead sheep on a tray delivery. More eyeballing, more blinking. Sip your wine DM. What is fucked up is there was no where to divert my gaze to. Regardless of if I was looking at the sheep tray, or anywhere else, some sort of animal was there and dead, making me want to go outside to smoke in the worst way.

Once more, giving in to not being ..... me...... I tasted it too. That taste test did not go well and I did my very best to discreetly spit it out. Trying not to be rude or ingrateful, but I can't eat those things, much less pay to do so. The dogs however have no problem with it. Filthy little carnivorous savages.

Steal it Wear It, Wednesday Style.

A girl MUST have her hairs did.



Poor Sipod, always suffering the sins of his sister.


- DM

Pinnochio - Peen Warning.....

Don't miss my rescue mission below.

Over the weekend I woke up to pick my nose, as usual because I have class and a certain disdain for making sure a giant nose giving isn't dangling from my piercing - which is a magnet for all things inhaled - but something was amiss. My nose hook. For those without a nose hook/piercing or otherwise inspection of how it actually works.... I drew you this:
It's nothing like an earring even if I had to take it out to prove that to my mother. It's fitted to your very own disgusting, snot infested nostril (unless you have the forsight to take care of that which I never seem to do). So no loose peices to snort and choke on, it's in essence like you took a fun swim and were caught by a fisherman. Snagged by the snout.

Those who know me will readilly contest I fuck with it all the time, as the hook gets sloppy and hangs out of a nostril, making it look like I'm picking when I'm really just stuffing the hook back into place. Yeah right huh? Promise, I'd never deny a pick if I was picking as those are necessary human things. Do you poo a belch? There are forgivable belches. Five hardy belches? Someone needs to take that person to the restroom.

I woke up my pink hook was gone, which is very much my fault. It was fitted years ago for a new piercing to allow for swelling and I was well told I'd need to have it adjusted. It hadn't beeen much of a problem, so I never went back.

The missing was around 11pm and I bounced the entire Morgan clan from the bed to find it. It's small, so it was a stupid venture but all flopped onto the floor just the same to ignore DM having a fucking meltdown over a nose ring. Needle in a haystack.

Now is the time to note WHY I had a meltdown. First, I like it. I don't think I need more reasons but I have them. Second, I've been discriminated against for having THIS:

tiny nothing of a nussiance. With how pink I am, it offsets the entire stupid idea that someone might be offended by it. Third... what century am I living in? Fourth, look at the photo, short of me pulling on my nose.... are you seriously looking past my eyes to notice THAT????? It's microscopic. And lastly, I took a spear through my nose - to some, that is something to nod at. Those would be the people I'm apt to sup and drink with. Innovative and original? Not remotely, but anytime I see a nice tattoo or piercing... I give a nod of understanding, someone had an experience and that alone is awesome, even if trendy these days /yawn. Getting hard to be original even if I've had mine for maaaany years. This fellow has full ownership of the unique corner... I've never liked dragons so many!


Those are the reasons I lost my mind and had to get another piece of jewelry before earth exploded into dust and fragments from my angst. I can't say more why, it just happens to matter a lot to me. When you go through a lot of shit defending something, or standing up for something - however petty it is to other people, it carries a heavier load of defiance. I am extremely infantlike in tantrums in standing up for my expression - tattoos and my bitty nose thing, as it means absolutely nothing to how I behave as a human. Has it stopped me from getting work? Yes. I'm that obstinant. Want me your way or want me in the way in which I rock? Acceptance and worry of what others will percieve is on my last nerve. If my expression on my body hinders business, that person is living in a rerun of the Partridge Family, and I'd like to bring the gent who did my piercing and all these years later my adjustment for comparison - he is something out of National Geographic and I just want to fiddle with all the sparklies and distorted business on him. Don't be dirty, above waist.

Mr. Morgan, and not from my upset spell, took me straight away in the morning to replace it. As a former pierced person, he gets it. He didn't appreciate the cost and was intensely eyeballing a sign for the cost to pierce baby ears.

"Babies man..... that's just not right."
"Isn't it like circumcision? Better to get it done before it'll make a mental pain related scar?"

-DM

For new listening.... and Mika has a new album out soon, oh shiz!

Snatched!

Thanks Bosslady's Daughter for saying I can make an adventure out of a paperclip. It's very true if you happen to be aquainted with the right paperclip, I'm flattered while tilting my head that I'm that easilly entertained. It was not an insult, I get it, and thank you, lots of shit can be done with a paperclip. And mentioning running fingers through my hair, that just sounds naughty you bad bad love of mine! My hair frankly screams for Rogain and BLD's is the reason Pantene is selling so many bottles of help. She is a walking fucking commercial and I'd hate her if I had a better reason. So, for now I'll just covet like I always have.

Caught me a dog tonight. A whole dog! I regret deeply that I didnt get a photo of the animal, it was on the lam, angry and confused. I was simply locking up the house - obviously and not surprisingly in my Life Robe and a little silhouette ran by that I thought was probably a kitty. I have no idea why but I went outside and it was not a kitty at all. Twas in fact a lil chi chi (thank god with a collar for once) and it was madly screaming back at other neighbor dogs, presumably looking for directions.

I made a bold move, albiet a slow one with soothing talk to approach her, she was smaller than Simon - seriously - and I know Simon size targets, no good comes of them being loose and discombobulated. I wasn't trying to be bitten though, it's a sketchy thing to pull up on a lost dog. She let me scoop her up and immediately gave face licks. Yes, this was a dog who slipped off.... not a mistreated pet. I banged on the door, Mr. Morgan was annoyed because he was playing an online poker tourney but I couldn't come in with the "catch." Simon would have none of that shit on any day.

He came out screaming "WHAT!?"

I said get them outside, I've got something!

He saw what I was holding and went into instant Mr. Morgan mode. He was asking how I got it while dialing the number on the tag. The woman who answered was a bitch and seemed put out to collect the doglet, who was desparate for a place to piss. Her husband instead arrived very swiftly and I thought he was going to cry over her being safe. Guess whose baby THAT one is eh? He was so so SO thankful, and we kinda were too because she could have very well not met with good fate. I know it was a she because while waiting I tossed her around in my arms and she had no problem showing me her goodies. Another clear sign of a loved and good natured doggie. No collar? I'd have posted signs... but secretly... I'd have kept her. When the Russian got loose a Halloween ago, someone called me within 10 minutes and it was the most relief of my life. Good Karma.... I returned it, only by happenstance of the little girl running by at the time I was closing up the house. The gent explained they were moving and the dog got away, and they didn't even know. I waved him off with a friendly smile and told him I know exactly how slippery those little brats can be. They always think they are running to a better place, or just running to run and make their parents have a stroke.

Warm fuzzies. Below is Kylers and Marley on their play day today. Much as she loves Sipod, she adores being with a dog she won't hurt.

- DM

I'll get you my pretty!

A house landed on Kylee and she stole shoes. Please don't photo scan and miss my diologue, it's worth it, and in these times... doesn't everyone need a bit of a funny person in their world?

Caught and not remotely embarrassed, in fact very resigned to her punishment. I demanded to know where the flying monkeys were hiding out.

Won't tell so waterboarding is our last resort.

She never did tell the location of the monkeys. Instead she played dead and spooned her brother in their doggie way. Both have tongues hanging out like kites and I stopped myself from grabbing the string and try it out before it became a felony. Look at the Russian.... he's prime for flight.

This came. Another sample.

Well shit! What IS better than ears? A face? Possibly an appendix? I think there are many things better than ears. It's incidentally the same dog drawing from Beggin' Strips that I posted before. Let's remember how the product does indeed induce the crazed face:


The "ear" was gone in 20 seconds. I do not recommend this, even with the coupon.

Moving forward.

I got up this morning and went to the Post Office after a short stop at a the store for vices. I left my pay card there, without knowing because I was really consumed by outside construction. Not hot manly yummy construction, just interested in the doings. I left the fucking card and went to mail my very tardy givings. In line I felt someone touch me and I jumped a bit before flinging around to find a lady no less than 95 million. I shit you not the woman said:

"Excuse me Miss, I didn't mean to be fresh."

I had to think about that.

"It's just that..... your tag is hanging out and I really get angry when people let me walk around like that all day."

Do you immediately cuddle her or recoil? I had to consider my inabilty to be touched against my supreme love for the elderly. I fixed my own tag but was not insensitive to her obvious eagerness to be friendly. That.... no matter what age, I rarely walk away from. And, we were in line, escape wasn't really going to happen.

I really had an instant like to her. She was thinky like I get, noticing another woman's hair and complimented it while pissing on it at the same time. The lady's hair was far below her bum and braided. My new friend commented how lovely it it was, then said "bet she can't get a proper comb through it." Hair envy happens.

She went on to my hair and her fingers were drumming on her mail, begging to get "fresh" on MY hair? Shit, please! No one's wants my hair except I guess her. I tol her that her fluffy perm was working out just fine.

To close swiftly... I mailed all my junk to find my card gone and had to drive back to the last store where they were coming out waving it to greet me. My heart slowed down and I embarrassedly returned to pay for my mailings.

Then came the flood. Literally..... next update for that.

-DM

Inebriation Nation

The Mister and I were gifted with a free stay at a spa suite in the Atlantis Resort and Casino in Reno for our birthin' day gift. Awesome. Being that I haven't left the house for much other than the occassional interview, more awesome. As awesome as awesome could get short of blinking lights above our door screaming AWESOME with angels and harps and all the trimmings.

Before we left.... this guilted us at the door like a warden:



I went straight to task on investigating all the wares, facilities....checking on pillow fluffiness, all that sort of busy work one does when they are pretty much scoping out the joint for what is glued down and what isn't. 19th floor. The spa is right in front of the window and I truly got queasy even approaching it, lame, but I get nauseous even watching heights on tv. /shrug. I can't help it, I get vertigo over heights. Am what I am.



Before going for a quick soak Mr. Morgan declared there was not enough liquor, in firm Irish declaration with a fisted hand above his head "We have no suds!" Off we went. Our odd purchase was champagne, whiskey, and a bottle of Mr. Bubble - of which we argued about getting normal, or "for senstive skin". It was clear we were up to no good.

Back in suite we had our first lovely soak, after dicovering these:

Pamper be thy name! It seems Mr. Bubble does not dissapoint. Remember this is a 6'5 tal man, that is a lot of bubble to cover all that up, and no he's not slouching.... it was THAT many of a bubble festival.

Afterwards is a bit of a hm. We imbibed, talked about Jesus and why we only have two feet instead of four. Would 12 toes help balance or be a hinderance to the clumsy? Then we discovered the bathroom had a tele. With a remote of course, who wants to dangle right? We did not employ it, but just knowing it was there became an instant cotton candy sort of comfort. No one ever can anticipate an extended visit to that room. Very nice touch. My photo is shotty and makes it look ghetto, it's very much so not. Ooooo and coffee. Drink where you shit! Bonus!

Then shit just went into another dimention that we were never supposed to fall upon. Rather, we were supposed to be upstanding law abiding and well behaved guests. This did not happen. It TRIED to happen is all I really know and remember. Suffice, we got shit faced drunk because Mr. Bubble said it would be ok to do so, and we trusted him. What we didn't consider is that Mr. Bubble himself looks like he is already shit faced drunk and encouraging others to join his antics. Look at the bottle..... he is done. What better thing to do when completely out of hand than go to the buffet. Tons of people shuffling about, food galore... perfect place to be inebriated. The buffet is not a liquored persons' friend. Obstacles all over, lots of movement, stairs, and every other hazard imaginable just begging to make you look like the idiot that you in fact are.

I am not sure, but I think a small food fight broke out at our table... something about garbonzo beans being reasonable on my tray. What I do know is that come this morning there were no less than 30 fortune cookies in the suite, some in the hot tub and oddly... a butter packet.

The task of "well shit!" damage control set into play and I started fixing up the room. Mr. Morgan was found staring into the hot tub motionless because he did not know how to drain it. I joined him for a while because, it was funny. We felt really bad to leave the maid with our mess, even though we cleaned up pretty well, so left her the "sorry" money in the designated envelope. I did yes, figure out (hard) how to drain the spa. The sink, no dice.

On leaving and putting my wares into my backpack - with of course all the room freebies I found that I had seemingly gone on a spree of absolute theivery. Everything but the fucking wallpaper was in that bag! I had remotes, soapdishes, toilet paper, a pillow.... name it and I had last night apparently planned to take it all with me as though I was moving. I even (shame) had the Bible. I truly have no idea what encouraged me to go on a larceny rampage, or how it all fit into that one backpack. I'll be honest, I put it all back. Most of it. I kept one prize, a light bulb. Cmon, I did the right thing by not being a raging klepto, but something about that bulb. ...

I figured I must have had an idea at the time, how could I leave it behind? What if the idea came back and I had no bulb over my head?

Proud!

Ashamed.... and yet, not.


Home unscathed, good time, up a light bulb, very scared of Tuaca, and back in my robe. Yeah, I look like a drowned rat in above, but I was in the spa late night and while I was drunkenly busy taking shit that wasn't mine, I neglected to take my OWN shit like say... my hairbrush.

Anyone willing to have me over for a dinner party? Better glue all your junk down.

- DM

Lot Lizards

Ever hear of the term Lot Lizard and presume "speed bump." I was into my teens before I was informed that by and large that is not the intended definition, which was followed by what it did really mean then? No shit? Well, who knew.

Another round of "you steal it... you wear it." Couresty of Kylee's Playground.

Is that yours?

Or yours? Even though he stole nothing.

I would have made her wear Mister's shotrs but I faltered at how. I took this photo only to prove she does in fact steal. He swears I faked the scene. Sure, because I'm out to lynch the puppy, pitchfork in hand and demanding a refund because I never signed an agreement to purchase a theif. She takes shit, for the sake of it.... I recently found myself in a similar predicament, so.... no punishment.

Dueling bones. /insert the song.

And finally .... my Lindsay Lohan doll. She has more shit than I do. It was a joke - of sorts- on Perez that said doll could be bought for like 4 bucks, free shipping. I thought at the time, well hot damn! Will coke be snuggled in the packaging? /as I finish the paperwork. I bought the Lindsay Doll and it sits here, staring at me all day quite nervous. I have neices who might like it but something about Lindsay seems permanent. I would part with her for a good reason, but would need to be very entertaining, as she got a ton of gear. Where is she going? Who needs that much shit when there hasn't been a fucking movie for years? The damn thing entertains me is all I know.

Finally..... quotes from the Morgan House.

"Taco pie"
"Okay, I can make that for you."
"I'll grate the cheese since it all bugs your hands."
"Thanks."
"Meat is all you, I can't cook meat."
"Really? Why?"
"Because it's a dead animal."
"You.. don't mind eating it."
"I can forget."
"You are so not serious..."
"I am dead serious, I can't do the shit."
"Ok... I'll cook your cow."

Sigh of relief from Mister.

At what point my husband went really weird, I don't know. We agree that we don't like eating meat but we are FAR from Veggies. Except chicken. We fight about that a bit. Kill every last mother fucking pecky ass chicken as far as I'm concerned. He is bothered about any killings. It's interesting.

Other offering of conversation:

"I had iguana's." (sp???) he says.
:On purpose?"
"Yes."
"I was whapped really hard once with a tail because I hadn't seen one sitting on top of the couch totally creepy and quiet."
"They do that."
"It's not very nice."
"Well it's what they do. I also had a cameloen and a gecko."
"How did all this work out for ya?"
"They all died... it was cleaning day and my mom was vaccuming and set the cameleon by the window and went to work on cleaning the gecko's cage. She sucked the gecko into the tube and the cameloen jumped out the window."
"Ya don't say."
"We got the gecko back but not good for the other."

Can I at this point just note that the cameloen likely SAW the vaccum incident and said fuck this I'll take my chances?

Ending, I asked what of the giant .... eaty thing, iguana yes. It just died. That is how simple he said it as I scooped all animals from his sight with a very leepy and apprehensive glare. It just? Seemingly so. Ha, he'd not let harm come to our dogs but insight of past pets was priceless.

- DM