Halloween 08, The Great Depression

Ok my feet hurt. Not like a blister level of hurt, they actually have asked to be cut off. Why in the fucking world was Alice in the forest wearing such impractical footwear. Silly bitch, but I had to comply and honestly..... they are REALLY good shoes. They even smell like good shoes, as oppossed to my nasty "whatever fits" walking gear.

Lemme start with a couple of things. Much like the video I posted..... these little fuckers begging candy have been trained to get treats. Not only saying how pretty I looked, when they knew nothing about WHO I was, but going overkill on how great my decorations were. Let's agree to be bullshitting.

Do you know who Alice in Wonderland is?
Yes.
Do I look like her?
I'm not sure. /dangles a package of sweetarts.... now are you sure?
Yes, yes I could be.

On the upside, many parents got my theme and it was more than appreciated. Emdond scared the living shit out of toddlers to teenagers and I smiled my gd ass off. We scored 8 cryers this year and one screamer. The poor child went into hysterics and wouldn't take candy from me if I was the last toostie roll on earth. Being Alice and not a complete dick, I went to a crawling stance so I could be on their level offering goodies, and cooing not to worry, he wouldn't hurt them. As for the teens.... I said stop poking Edmond, he doesn't like it, take this candy slice and get the fuck lost.

This Halloween was very skinny, except for the heaping pile of leftover candy. It had been raining but was no where as cold as previous years. The children normally flock in droves to the door, but not remotely as much this year. I called it quits after 4 hours - not including my set up time and a parent oogled our candy dish and said, wow you still have SO much. We left the dish outside for any takers and that damned thing was still full this morning. What's happened to the children!

I got some great costumes, and actually 3 dogs in costumes trick or treating. I thought it was cute.one was looking a little itchy about my noisy props and I reached slightly towards him then asked his parent if he was a friendly. Im not trying to bleed on my costume by forcing my hand into a strange dogs face. Plus he was a little fellow and they understandably are nervous by nature of living amongst giants.

For how meager is was, I had fun although still sleeping my life away and not being good on eating and stuff. I allowed myself one more day of being completely juvenille and I now I need to sack up and get back to work on.... getting back to work.

So while not as good as last year, I did what I could with what I had.



-DM

Beware the Peen!

From last year but upon revisiting it, damn if I could say it isnt still awesome.



Torso for Off with Her Head Prop obtained. It's already dressed in it's corset and ready for a bit more work. Mr. Morgan said the gal charged 30 for it, when we'd agreed on twenty and about got himself into house brawl over his lie. He knows better, and also knows I was two inches from a flurry of fingers on a keyboard to a Friendly (and Burner!) about the ten buck increase. He admitted to being full of shit and I admitted to being very grateful that he left work to get this for me.

My health is still not up to snuff, but maybe it's just the weather.

Happy hallow guys!!

- DM

Worth it.

This could potentially get your ass kicked. And if so, you deserved it. I happen to love the "oh cmon!!!" then a prompt "fuck you." Groovy.



Nothing very new on my front, caught Kylee with her fourth haul of destroying my props, so halloween is getting skinnier by the day. The torso should arrive Thursday.

- DM

Maybe? Possibly?

Hallow is almost here gang! I'll give you one sneak peek, but it's nothing special..... nor will my final production be. My mind has been wrapped around work for the last couple months, so I'll do what I can and it is what it is. I rotate my costumes, so maybe Alice 2011 will turn out better. For what's it's worth this year, I look great! More for the video, just a little taste.

Mr. Morgan has procured the candy goodies, and has been actively eating it up. I said "that's for the children." and he grinned widely - Chesshire Cat style and whispered "I know." It slithered off his tongue with the pride of the Grinch.

The costume took a LOT of work to be acceptable to me. I didn't want a slut Alice, I'm serving candy from my house, not the playboy mansion, but I also didn't want it to be the marm Alice. Frankly, and there are better photos - I think I am working the shit out of being Alice. Thank you to GreenHopper for the shoe loan - PERFECT, and to whatever kid flopped the black tie on my head over the fence. Just what I needed! You'll both get credit in the video.

So! My Interview. Went good. But I'm delusional enough to think most of them have. I was sitting there, for a long time while my mouth went totally dry and angry. I'd checked in and looked at my feet often, making sure not to slouch (eternal sloucher here). I then heard another interview going on right behind me and listened with great interest. What sneaky insight could I learn?

"You're from Vermont? Oh my god I AM from Vermont!"

Shit.

"Do you know ---- insert any Vermontean they all know eachother it seems ----"
"Oh yes! She taught my daughter first grade!"

Double shit! It went on and on. She liked dogs? Small world, he likes them too! And the whole time, I'm sitting right fucking there like an idiot hopeful. A composed one, but still stringing the oh my god's through my mental wheel of wondering if I should just tuck my tail and leave.

After about 35 minutes, my oh-so-dynamic presense reminded the people that I was sitting there about to chew on the furniture. I'd been left, forgotten and she hadnt even told my potential employer that I was there. So in the last few days, not only am I nameless, but I can't be spotted sitting politely while Vermont aims for my job. I checked my suit and I did not blend into the wallpaper.

I was finally fetched and taken to a room with orange - just short of shag - carpeting. Bright Orange. To compliment it was a shiny spitoon. I pointed out both and my interviewer said there were much more of both in the building and he hated it. I did too, but also thought it was Brady-Bunchy and should stay.

He left me mid-interview for an angry client. Ok fine, I cheated. In part...? He had 3 pages of questions for me that he was really happy to ask. I think he likes the sound of his own voice and that's okay. We had one more page when he left me and my arm went on it's own.... reaching for that last page to prepare myself. It snaked across the table leaving sweaty evidence, coordinating with eyes and ears to be a covert team of sneakery. You'd think I was disarming a bomb with how paranoid I looked. The arm did it, honest.

Answered the rest (with refound CONFIDENCE! Go fig!) and off I go to wait. He did show me the desk and didn't say "This is where you would be working" he said "This is where you WILL be working." I notice that shit, and more so when my mouth is dry enough to eagerly dig into a toilet bowl just to wet it. Been hopeful before, so this could just be another entry into DM's Strive for Employment Blog? I know he really liked that I can roll a website (not this one shhh) and graphic design. He also liked that I'd done my homework and had already been to their website so I knew exactly what I was talking about in regards to his displeasure with it. I'd already insulted his carpets, why stop there right? Lol, I wasn't negative about either, but I think I wetted his mouth (mine still shriveling!!) with what I could do for their site.

More soon, going to get very busy around here with the holiday. Today's movie, Poltergeist.

-DM

Sadly this shit is TOO true:

Four Leaf Clover

Interview today. I'm bathed and as hopeful as others have gone. Did my homework on their firm, google will tell you anything as it's kinda scary. I got two letters from the State on Saturday, and two obviously means NO! times two. Because I can't take the first hit without needing a second jab to the stomach right.

It has since re-sparked my love for writing people back and letting them know how idiot they are. The letter I am writing has nothing to do with being pissed I was denied, and wasted 3 hours of my time missing Price is Right. So... two letters, both completely form letters, but one was written to me and the other had a label.

Label was addressed to Jeri. Close. But not my name. Inside it was addressed to Nadine York. Nadine is out there somewhere (I do have her address now) having no idea she was poo-ed. For the LAST time can anyone figure out who I am? It's funny in the sense that I have one of the most common names on the planet, and even so, it's still getting fucked up.

The second letter told me the same thing it told Nadine, and I sighed for us both. Then I sent the Nadine letter with it's orignial packaging back to the State and pointed out she might want to know. And that uh, also .... to say I'm not qualified for a position on your staff, when your staff completely fucked up a simple form letter. Not just by mispelling my name, but giving me someone else's bad news. Well done.

Kylee heard of these letters and I handed them to her, thinking she'd just spit them out but didn't.

In fact I had to wrestle them from her explaining that it could be perceived that Mama was angry about them to the unemployment people. She didn't care and said she doesn't like anyone who doesn't like me. /cheese treat!

I took my costume pics, some of them, and they have come out well. We'll see, I'm not overly excited this hallow.

- DM

Don't stop 'til you get enough!

Woken up from a napping zombie stupor......

"DM?"
"Do I owe you money?"
"No no ... I'm calling to ask if you early voted."
"Um, I don't know hold on, dry mouth." continue "ok, no I'll vote on the day."
"May I ask who you are voting for?"
"Where did you get my number?"
"From... my list."
"Where are you." Totally not a question.
"I'm at a phone."

See how people who aren't sure of others will tell nothing!

"Ok if I answer McCain is this conversation over?"

And the phone went dead.

She dialed right back and it went on, with giggles.

"I can't like McCain?" I asked.
"I didn't mean to disconnect, very sorry."
"I know, you're eager ... where are your headquarters?"

She told me her location and I knew she was a friendly working just where I have been over the last month. I asked for another sticker. I'm promised it can happen.

"You are really there right?"
"Yes?"
"What color are the walls?"
I trust no one.
"They are really.... busy, I'd say beige?"

Ok... pass.

She then did the rap we are all asked to, meaning bug people for their time, money and hope of a vote. I told her that sure fine, I was cool to peddle 11/4 flyers at 6am to remind folks to get up and vote, but only if more stickers were in it for me. She promised a sticker factory and was shocked I'd do it at 6am. Been two elections, but I also did this for Gore and was only once chased off by a man in a robe waving a newspaper like a weapon. Not even ringing the bell, just little door hangers and fresh morning air. Not even partisan no less, just says hey.... get up!

So yes, 6am seems prime time to not get beaten by a crazed McCain supporter. I'm just doing my part man... relax.

Ok there -might- be a photo of Obama on it, I don't know, I haven't seen them just said I'd come and Donna was thrilled. I'll be glad when it's all over. All of it. The trash talk trying one side to the other...... but pssst.... we got this shit in the bag.

I dont want to be u that damn early but it'll make me happy to know I did even more that I already have. Don't stop til we get enough!!!




- DM

Denied by Machine

How low does it get when inatimate objects object to your application? Not because of a field entry error, but because it actually thinks you were funny to even try. I had a job bite this morning - and nary a bite because I know a form letter when I see one, hell I used to write them in a more profitable life. But it was at least a reply and I about expelled green tea out of my nose in reading it. The position was for a group home sort of setting, basically be a do gooder. I can do good, honest God, trust me? The reply no shit was this:

Dear Applicant, (SO PERSONAL!!!)

Thank you for applying with Kids First as a Care Provider. In order to become a non-primary care provider, you must be licensed through Washoe County Department of Social Services.

This requires that you:
Provide a copy of your drivers license or picture ID.
Complete a Non-Primary clearance application.
Complete and pass a Law Enforcement records check.
Complete a fingerprint card. There is a $51.25 processing fee plus a $10.00 fee
for rolling your prints.
Provide 7 references, only 2 of whom may be related to you and all must have
known you for at least 3 years.
Current TB test.
First Aid/CPR certification.
Completed 27 hours of training.

All training's will be provided.

The current training schedule is as follows:
Saturday November 1st 8:00am to 12:00 noon.
Saturday November 8th 8:00am to 5:00pm
Saturday November 15th 8:00am to 5:00pm
Saturday November 22nd 8:00am to 5:00pm
All trainings will be held at one of our group homes

Want the clincher? Wait for it......
...
...
...

$9.00 per hour. Are they fucking serious? I'd have to train for a month before even qualifying for their generous salary, let alone my out of pocket cash for the printing fees. Should have just addressed it "Dear Rover, we've got a fury of hoops for you to jump through and the reward is going to be dissappointing."

And I can't pass a TB test. That does not mean I have TB, it means that if I'm injected with that tiny needle my arm swells up and indicates I could breathe on a person and kill them instantaneously. I was exposed to it at some point and am akin to the host animal who carries it, but doesn't get sick (maybe I could have a career in lab studies? Lol, a lot of people are carriers). So I have to get a chest xray, and for 9 bones an hour, I'm guessing they aren't going to spring for the extra effort. I can explain this more in depth to anyone nervous to decline a lunch with me, but suffice... I am not contagious.

Remaining hopeful, which has turned more into robotic searching of newspapers, links, calling temp agencies to ... annoy them probably since I hadn't called in 24 hours, I looked at the State website to see a job opening for administrative shit that I am more than qualified to handle. Basically it said, "can you look pretty?" and after sniffing an armpit and leaning back in my chair to view the mirror, said "Probably."

The application process was a pre-screening online. It asked two questions and neither were the shit that should have been asked, like say.... are you a felon or otherwise dangerous? No, it was do you have experience. I checked the shiny box marked YES and hit continue.

I shit you not the next screen told me to beat it, I failed the pre-screen and offended the computer by wasting it's time. Huh??? How does answering anything yes not get you a job short of - do you plead guilty? I'm resigned to things being slow but now a human doesn't even need to insult me, they have computers to do it.

Right, so everyone remember the Exorcism of Emily Rose? I watched it once and while being a horror buff, the scene where she is contorted still fucks with me. For your consideration here is the footage/sound bites from the actual case, not the movie. I am not going to lie and say I heard it through, possession upsets me but maybe I can enlist a demon to take over for a while and beat people to death until someone relents and offers me work.





Thoughts?

- DM

Kindred Costumes

See, I'm not the only one.....



-DM

Day of the Dirt Death.

I almost killed myself on Friday and would have taken the Metro with me. It was vey scary and I decided that if I almost rolled the car trying to get to a job on the first day...... it wasn't going to be worth that risk twice a day. It also was much further than I want to drive. I would be angry that not a single person stopped to see if I was alright, but living through it is good enough.

I was heading to the military compound interview, it's outside of Dayton down a dirt road. If I missed the first turn off (and I did) you could get in through Stagecoach. Again, too far. You know when you get close to Stagecoach the highway turns into one lane each direction at 65mph and that made me very uncomfortable as they have head on collisions all the time. People were VERY angry with me being slower than they wanted to drive and that also got me nervous, with horns blowing and yelling at me. I wasn't driving all that slow and remember, I'm looking for a street sign and I'm blind.

I saw the sign 15 feet before the turn and I decided to make the turn because I couldnt slow down much since there was a redneck truck up my tailpipe. He'd have hit me. So Metro and I took the turn and completely underestimated how slick that dirt road was. We spun around a couple times, fishtailing in between and thank god, we stopped six inches from a serious barrier that meant business! To make sure we understood how serious it was, it brought it's friends barbwire fence, and strategically places giant boulders. We blinked for a while wondering if it really just happened and the Metro finally said "You do realize my nose is six inches from that thing don't you?" Then she asked me for a cigarrette and I gave her two. All I can say is it was a miracle of me and the car working together in split second reaction time. Neither of us are entirely sure how we came out unscathed but BOY did that make me fall deeper in love with a car that I didn't previously think I could love more. This was us:


Well, it's us with me not being a stick figure, and her not being blue with bumper damage. (of note... upon Googling metro... I was astounded and pleased to see how many people truly enjoy rocking the metro! No shortage of folks pimping their ride and having no embarrassment. I feel so at home!)

I drove some more after that, and clocked the 11 miles she said it would be down the dirt road, which is ANYTHING but a road. Divits, and ruts and holes - the ones that make your jaw clatter. I really need a job but after 11 miles and no building, fuck that.... I decided I am not risking that sort of thing everyday and my car is not built to endure a road like that and has wasted an entire morning. The Metro is one tough little beast, but it's not worth my life or my car to transverse an angry highway and an even angrier road. I'm sure what was left of her shocks are done after that. It was 61 miles one way.... that's too far anyway.

As scary as that was.... this is scarier, for your Halloween pleasure.... Chucky much??



-DM

Area 51

Greetings my little trick and treaters! Things could be on the ups but I'm not trying to get ya know.... happy? Waste of perfectly frown-capable muscles and effort. I have an interview in the morning at the "military vehicle compound." Being a smart ass I asked if I'd need super secret clearance and straight toned she said, yes. "Your name is on the list, bring ID." Oh shiz? I shut up after that and said lots of please and thank yous, I didn't even mention that their advertisement requires attention to detail and being computer literat.

I'm far from perfect, so I get a kick out of fuck ups like that. I'll let you know how my interview goes. It's early, but I'm already showered, clothes laid out, and about to do my makeup so I can leave at the last possible minute. My interviewer nervously said "business casual, please don't wear heels" about 20 times. No problem, Kylee has eaten all but the two pair I've flung at her, but I still wonder what I'm getting into. GreenBee advised I not dress sexy and I hung my head and put the corset away. Lol... jeez girl!

Also have a good lead on a torso or mannequin for my hallow festivities, courtesy of our very own Miss Nev who took the time to think of me and shoot the information over. I am always happy when someone thinks of a non-speaking plastic thing shaped into a human and my name pops into mind. I'm sure my husband would praise her and tell me to learn something from it, like sit still, shut up and be glad your boobs won't go sag on you.

I have been jigging to this long lost gem tonight... damn if I don't love me some positive hippy energy! More than once I've heard "you know this?" in reference to a vintage song. Sure I do! Hypocrite turned republican (double foul!) I'd go so far as to say my mother was like a slow motion movie with glitter and streamers back in the day.



-DM

Home home home! /click three times

Halloween store day! My friend and I planned this for some time now and I have to say she did a damn good job, even if I'm not entirely certain she was comfortable taking photos in the mix of a crowd. She didn't say no, and my thoughts were that - if you see the pricetags.... this was as close as I was going to be getting to these props. Who all move, bitch, and otherwise get slappy with a machete.

Be still my heart. I want this one in the WORST way. Tell me this wouldn't fit the bill for my "Off With her Head!" portion of theme???

Mad scientist with an ego.

Here is when, and I didn't mention it to my photographer, but people were looking.

So I did it again.

How was I supposed to help myself! Let people look or scowl, I was the armed one. Plus, don't put out toys if I can't play, because I will out of helpless constraint, and really.... it's fucking funny.

The Russian, being undercover, got himself a slick new costume. He decided that being Toto all his life was bullshit and he was having no more of the sterotype. He was gonna be Dorothy if it took a house landing on Palin (cough, loving my own joke!)

Tell me that's not totally fucking adorable.

Then little miss jealous came in to steal his thunder. With venom!

Imposter I say!

The Russian spy and his American Sponsor pose for a photo.


My premiere will be soon, and much of this shit will go into the 08 video, but do these really get old? Don't forget the below Kylee costume photos.

Today's Hallow Movie: Mirrors.

- DM

What am me?

We made some progress on Kylee's halloween costume and by we I mean me. She didn't know she was going as a Hershey Kiss, which... I guess I thought was funny. She watched the movie Signs with me last week where Mel Gibson's kids foiled up their heads to avert brain control from the aliens. So when I presented her with her costume she clearly said OH SHIT, they're here?????

More work to be done on it. Mr. Morgan when asked what she was said "A princess?"


That she is, but no.... hee. The Russian is next. I'm very behind on my home preparations, and fairly bummed out that my theme is falling flat. This all should have been pinned down 4 months ago. I was busy being fired. We'll see how it goes.

Today's Hallow movie: Christine. Nothing like a bitchy car.

- DM

Grass isn't always greener.....

(Please click on comments, I was chicken and took this post down, thinking it may have come across as completely not what I meant. Text is difficult to interpret when a person is explaining themselves, I wasn't sure I portrayed what I felt and asked BLD to review it for me. In my frantic stage of "god, people are not going to get me" I took the post away before she could comment, and asked I comment her email for her, so give it a read).

I thought I might dedicate this entry to an issue that has been brought up far too often around me lately, if not forever, but more so lately. I don’t know if it’s the current stress of the nations’ ability to make people scared and turn that stress another direction or what, but there seems to be a constant buzz of those who I know mentioning their weight, and not in a good way.

Let’s first drop any preconceived notions that I don’t care about my weight. By definition, it’s entirely likely to a lot of people that I have an eating disorder. Not in the classic sense, as I don’t starve myself, nor do I vomit out of guilt. Some people eat from being nervous, stressed or otherwise annoyed, I don’t. Complete opposite. I stop eating. Not to win a bet, it’s not calculated at all. No news flash that I am an extremely nervous person, functional yes, but the daily reel of shit that rolls through my head is far more busy than it needs to be ad often overrules any impulse to get a burger . To me, not being hungry doesn’t even cross my mind until I see that my hands are shaking and open the mailbox to a letter from my thyroid asking if I am intentionally making it’s job more difficult.

It’s too easy for me not to eat, I don’t enjoy food and since unemployed have delved into the Food Network, watching blankly people who truly enjoy a meal. I stare at it as though it’s in a language I don’t understand. How wonderful that these people are getting such joy from something I view as a simple necessity for survival. Where did I miss this gene? And why do I feel glad not to have it? Could it be that I am so riddled with eccentricities that there is no room to settle down and stop for one moment to NOT have that inner dialogue examining things? It often makes me feel set apart from the herd, by no fault of my own, and while some wonder why they eat too many - I wonder why I can't. If you sup with me and I’m looking at you funny, that’s why. I am trying to understand what’s so fucking great that an entire event is wrapped around eating. Couldn’t we eat a cracker at home and just go to the carnival? My close friends have seen my discomfort of supping in public and the normal chit-chat about it. I’d rather crawl into a corner with my tray and eat like a rat.

A friend and I spoke today about weight and she mentioned that very few thin people honestly don’t take issue with larger ones. Really? I can understand the constant judgement, but on the flip side…. I’m constantly asked IF I eat. At least my plumper pals are not grilled with that sort of bullshit all the time. No, I do not eat, I am immortal…. what the fuck people? I don't care about weight, if anything what makes me stare is portions, as I eat as though it was a food tasting and not a meal so don't understand where it all goes, how does it fit? I'd burst faster than microwave popping corn, so I find it interesting. I suppose my point is that both sides of the spectrum have their shitty crosses to bear. All of you who think you are too big or need to conform to the social image… stop it. My bony ass needs a nicely padded seat to cuddle on. My tit for your tat and I’m ALL about that tat. I’ve been known to fling myself into some of the best laps on this planet to the point that if one single pound was shed, I’d be out shopping for candies.

I know people who’ve had lipo, laser, crash diets and all of these things that are so moot in the grand race. I won’t even try to bullshit and say I wasn’t born vain as it gets, and prop on to anyone who wants to feel better about self, but damn girls… some of you kill me with not working that shit like you own it. Do what makes you feel good, but never for one second think that you are not fucking stunning. Being thin as I am, trust me, it’s less appealing, there are days that I look like the god damned crypt keeper. Love you, be healthy and happy.

Repeat…



-DM

Platter of Yorkie, To go.

I'll take the Sizzled Skull, rare, with a side of Simon.

Yes, The Edmond is out, as well as his other friends. For reference to those who haven't met Edmond, he's six feet tall, moves and yaps. One would think it could stand to get annoying after say.... one day, but Edmond and I are friends and we greet eachother in every coming or going past his station. Watching Kylee react to The Edmond was enough to make me curl into a ball and bite my own fist to stop from the excitement. I might even say that my eyes watered with the most creepy grin imaginable. It went far beyond her normal "What dat Mama?" and straight to "What the Fuck Mama! Am I going to have to share food rations with this thing?? It tried to EAT me!" She certainly has quite intuitive expressions and can raise her brows independently of one another to express it clearly. I think she expects Edmond to chase her and walks in a feline sideways stride past him... of course setting off his sensor, much to her chagrin of thinking she was being slick about getting to the water bowl. I did nothing to save her from The Edmond, it's funner to let her think he's plotting. Since then she glares at me with the expression of disdain that she was practically murdered and I sat by, never coming to her rescue.

Edmond has earned himself a reputation, many visitors are leary of my friend, and even I can admit to forgetting he's there, stumbling half asleep into the kitchen to be bolted two feet into the air by one of his greetings. Great security guard.

- DM

Getting Spooktacular

(Oddly and I found this out by accident, play Jesus is my Friend to the above graphic. Eerie, seriously do it, it's totally transfixing. I happen to like the portly fellow standing still like a forced cult member.



The Morgan Team decided to decorate today. I was fortunate enough to find a copious amount of rat poo in the boxes of my wares and fled with whatever I could grab in ten seconds. It's not quite the same, but I made the dogs get into the holiday spirit too. Captioned appropriately.

Are you serious?
Yes baby girl, get used to this.

They dont fit!
And I HATE orange!


Not me, I'm all about orange, is there a reward for this? I'm old to bother fighting you, she won't listen Mom. Will someone feed me? Look how starved I am!

Fine, if you insist.

You promised, last one.


Here is my table, same as last year. It stands to be eaten by the KyleeMonster, but we did have a talk about it. Can enlarge it's super cute and the cleanest my table ever gets.


Happy first!

-DM

The Haunting Begins!

Alas it begins! I have much work to do and a good deal of it with no idea how to start. It'll all come together.

-DM